Jenna, 23, from new york, asks:

Hi, my boyfriend and I dated for almost 2 years. We had a really serious relationship and he did anything and everything for me. We even talked about marriage and made plans for it in the near future. I had a lot of hurt from my past relationship and carried it with me into this new one. During the times we fought I would take it out on him even more because of my past boyfriend and for 2 years he stayed patient and never really got mad at me about it. I guess in a way I hurt his pride because he was always the one giving in. A month ago we got into a really stupid fight and he finally just blew up at me. I guess keeping it in for 2 years built up and he wouldn't listen to a thing I had to say. He said he was just sick of it. He asked me for some time but I kept trying to talk to him about things and he started yelling and saying really hurtful words about how much he hated me and never wanted to be with me again. The last time we talked he said to give him a month to stop being so angry and try to be friends with me again. He also said he would think about giving me a second chance. He also mentioned he didn't want me doing anything stupid while we didn't talk like meeting guys one and one. Which kinda confused me when he said it's over forever. So, I haven't contacted him in the past 3 weeks. But, from what I hear he's taking time and doing things he didn't get to do while he was dating me. Does this mean he has moved on? I don't undestand why he needs a break all of a sudden? I just need to understand if the words he was saying were really true. If I hurt him in the past and show him I'm changing can I still have another chance? Or does it really sound like it's over forever. I really love him and am trying to really sort out everything from my past.

VictorM's advice:

You said if you "show him I'm changing". And how exactly are you doing that? What has changed about you that would make you relate to him differently? I believe you mean it but I believe that what you're saying is not true. People say they'll change after a fight but change doesn't happen by magic. Once he's back, odds are you'll be back to your old behavior. He's gone through enough of your crap to know that. And you saying that you're changing does not make it so.

You say you don't understand why he needs a break. I can understand why he does. And I can understand if he doesn't want any more of your crap. But honestly, I don't know if he's going to have the stomach to come back for more. The longer he stays away, the slimmer your odds of a successful reconciliation. He may come back, but his patience will be thinner.

Maybe the chance for success, if he does come back, doesn't lie so much in just you changing as much as in him changing. He needs to react right away to your bullshit instead of keeping it bottled in and then exploding the way he did. But then again, the odds of him changing are as slim as yours.

I wouldn't discount that this could have been a good lesson for both of you, but I will warn both of you that changing requires a deeper understanding of what makes you do and say what you do and say, you can't just say you've changed. If he comes back -- and he might -- you have an uphill battle to develop a healthy, good relationship.