|
Our discussion forum is open for business. Come say hello. |
Thursday, September 27, 2007
His parents have comitted him to another girl
Ana, 26, from Canada, asks:
I been seeing a guy for almost 2 years we are together all the time, we spend almost 12 to 13 hours together. I really like him and want to marry him, but he is Asian and his parents has verbally committed to some other girl and they can't break that. The guy says that I am the most important girl in his life and very special but I don't know why he doesn't want to get married to me. He said he can't break the thing as it's different culture and the girl his parents have committed is his uncle's daughter so if he breaks that it's a big fight, but at the same time he doesn't stop seeing me. Please give me an advice. I can't see him going away I love him very much, but I don't know what to do even I try stop seeing him but I can't it's too painful. My day starts with and ends with him, I can't picture myself without him, help me please.
VictorM's advice:
If he's not willing to buck family tradition, I really don't know what to tell you. But why should he stop seeing you? Even after telling you he will not fight the culture, you still see him. You probably treat him like a prince. So why stop that? He has already told you he won't marry you (let's be clear, he could, he just won't). Shouldn't you be the one to stop seeing him, painful as it may be? He is going to marry his cousin. Where will you be when that happens?
But look, he's living in Canada now, not Asia. He's a grown man. This is not just about the culture, that's chicken-shit! If indeed you were the most important girl in his life, he would marry you.
I can understand about the culture and that he lacks the courage to go against it. But could there be more to it than that? Maybe. The sound of your submission is scary to me, maybe you frighten him too. I mean, your day starts and ends with him? Being without him is painful? You can't picture yourself without him? Sounds suffocating to me.
Bottom line, he's cowardly, no matter how you look at it. If you're the most important girl in the world and he's not willing to deal with the consequences, or if you're too intense for him and he's looking for a way out, either way, your guy lacks the balls to do the right thing. I can't help you with that.
I been seeing a guy for almost 2 years we are together all the time, we spend almost 12 to 13 hours together. I really like him and want to marry him, but he is Asian and his parents has verbally committed to some other girl and they can't break that. The guy says that I am the most important girl in his life and very special but I don't know why he doesn't want to get married to me. He said he can't break the thing as it's different culture and the girl his parents have committed is his uncle's daughter so if he breaks that it's a big fight, but at the same time he doesn't stop seeing me. Please give me an advice. I can't see him going away I love him very much, but I don't know what to do even I try stop seeing him but I can't it's too painful. My day starts with and ends with him, I can't picture myself without him, help me please.
VictorM's advice:
If he's not willing to buck family tradition, I really don't know what to tell you. But why should he stop seeing you? Even after telling you he will not fight the culture, you still see him. You probably treat him like a prince. So why stop that? He has already told you he won't marry you (let's be clear, he could, he just won't). Shouldn't you be the one to stop seeing him, painful as it may be? He is going to marry his cousin. Where will you be when that happens?
But look, he's living in Canada now, not Asia. He's a grown man. This is not just about the culture, that's chicken-shit! If indeed you were the most important girl in his life, he would marry you.
I can understand about the culture and that he lacks the courage to go against it. But could there be more to it than that? Maybe. The sound of your submission is scary to me, maybe you frighten him too. I mean, your day starts and ends with him? Being without him is painful? You can't picture yourself without him? Sounds suffocating to me.
Bottom line, he's cowardly, no matter how you look at it. If you're the most important girl in the world and he's not willing to deal with the consequences, or if you're too intense for him and he's looking for a way out, either way, your guy lacks the balls to do the right thing. I can't help you with that.
Comments:
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
My old boyfriend was like that. His parents "wouldn't approve" of me and while he loved me, he just couldn't do that to them. It isn't worth it to be with a guy who doesn't find you important enough to be a man and stand up for himself. We ended up breaking up because after a year and a half he still couldn't bring himself to stand up for me in front of his parents. It was hard as hell, but its better this way.
It hurts but is true of many Asian men. They get into relationships with other women while knowing all the time that they will get into a marriage with an Asian woman arranged by their parents. You are just a 'time-pass', however hurtful it sounds, till that happens. Pl wake up and make sure before you enter into ANY relationship with ANY Asian man that he is not doing this as a time pass till his wife from his country comes along. It is unfair to both you and his future wife. And for him is a classic case of 'having his cake and eating it too' !
Post a Comment
# posted by 
: 6:59 AM
: 6:59 AM You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
