Dorothy, 22, from NY, asks:

When I was 13 I was really good friends with a local guy who was 17. Everyone knew he loved me, but we never did anything because he was older. He was my "protector" though. Throughout the years, we kept in touch every so often, but never stuck in each other's lives. About a year and a half ago we started talking again and didn't leave one another's life. I had no romantic interest in him at all, but it was nice talking. After about 5 months of being in each other's life every day, even if it was just the phone, I started falling in love. He was really persistent to say he couldn't be a good boyfriend with his job that was far away and his own issues from his last relationship. I played it cool but thought I could change his mind. He never denied that he was physically attracted to me right from the beginning, but wouldn't have sex because he didn't want to hurt me. Finally I guess he decided he liked me too, and we started dating and sleeping together. Everything was good for about 2 months. Then we were always fighting, breaking up, then getting back together. When we'd break up he'd be so mean and say the most hurtful things to me. He even once said that he's only with me because he feels sorry for me. Then everytime we got back together, he'd say that people say mean things when they're hurt, that I must know he didn't mean them. That he'll always come back to me. It has happened seriously about 8 times, and each time I thought for sure we were over and believed he felt every rotten thing he said, but then somehow we end up back together, in each other's arms talking about how we are going to be together forever.

I knew that it would come to a point when it would finally be over. Last week I ended it and it started out being a serious, agreeable conversation. Before the night ended he said he thinks we love each other but weren't "in love". That seems so far-fetched because of everything this guy has always felt about me, and the things he'd say while we were together. I just went with it though, no point arguing. But then he called me yelling that I'm a skanky whore and gave him an STD (which is impossible) and then hung up. He called back and started to say "I just wanted to say..." but I hung up on him. For the first time ever, I wasn't sad that we were broken up.
Then there's today, and I feel down. I don't know if it's because I'm just lonely and trying to get used to him not being in my life every day, or if I truly love him.

Obviously we shouldn't be together, but is there anyway I can know if this is the last time or if we're going to do the same cycle again? He'd always say that I feed off this cycle, but I hated it. But he always said he could never stay away from me.

Do men make drama just like women supposedly do? Will a man be with someone just because they feel sorry for them? Will consistent texts and phone calls persuade a man to get back with a girl even if he doesn't want to? And for a man who says he's very independent- how will you know they really love you and are just trying to keep a hold of their own life, and not just being a jerk? Thank you so much, Dot

VictorM's advice:

There's something so wrong when you ask all these questions about the guy because frankly, to detect a problem all you need to do is look in the mirror. You ability to withstand the repetitive kind of name calling you describe is disturbing.

Look, guys are basically very lazy. They'll get away with whatever they're allowed to get way. This should have nothing to do with what he's feeling or thinking. This is all about your inability to deal with a man you simply should not be seeing ever again. Maybe he's right. Maybe you feed off the drama. Some people are like that and just can't live in peace.

Whether there's a next time or not will depend solely on you. You shouldn't blame him if you two get together again. But after 8 times, what makes you think there won't be a 9th? What about you has changed that will give you the determination to look elsewhere? The signs aren't very good.