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Friday, August 31, 2007
A way to date a guy who's afraid to date
Taylor, 16, asks:
I'm very easy going, especially around guys. There's a particular guy I'm interested in now who is 2 years older than me and has already graduated from high school. I confessed to him (after I pushed past my nerves) that I was beginning to care for him a lot.
He did say that he liked me, as well, but he "doesn't date" because he's been hurt too many times in the past. I understand this, but I can't help but wonder - is there a way to develop a relationship with a guy who's afraid to date anyone?
VictorM's advice:
"He doesn't date because he's been hurt too many times in the past" is just another way of saying: "He doesn't want to date you -- not yet anyway -- but doesn't want to hurt your feelings."
When you confessed you cared for him you skipped the more natural courtship period and tried to jump right in a relationship. That's scary stuff.
Lay off the confessions, bring it down a notch, do friendly stuff with him, make him feel good about himself around you and who knows, maybe after he knows you better he'll lose his "fear".
I'm very easy going, especially around guys. There's a particular guy I'm interested in now who is 2 years older than me and has already graduated from high school. I confessed to him (after I pushed past my nerves) that I was beginning to care for him a lot.
He did say that he liked me, as well, but he "doesn't date" because he's been hurt too many times in the past. I understand this, but I can't help but wonder - is there a way to develop a relationship with a guy who's afraid to date anyone?
VictorM's advice:
"He doesn't date because he's been hurt too many times in the past" is just another way of saying: "He doesn't want to date you -- not yet anyway -- but doesn't want to hurt your feelings."
When you confessed you cared for him you skipped the more natural courtship period and tried to jump right in a relationship. That's scary stuff.
Lay off the confessions, bring it down a notch, do friendly stuff with him, make him feel good about himself around you and who knows, maybe after he knows you better he'll lose his "fear".
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