Anne, 24, from Cleveland, Ohio asks:

I have been dating a guy for over a year now. We were friends first. Over the last couple months we were talking about marriage. He would talk about it and then back peddle..I was getting frustrated. It all came to a climax about 3 weeks ago. I got angry with his behavior and said that I wanted a week to come back to the reality that we weren't getting married right now. He got upset and in return says that he needs space too. I have tried to talk to him about getting back together, he insists that there is something wrong and that he needs to take time to look at him. He says that we were conceptualizing marriage and we couldn't just try and date casually because that's not where we were. There is no one else in the picture (with him or me). We still have some contact-every couple days. When we do talk they are 3 hour conversations part talking about the unresolved issues and part on how much he misses me and I miss him. I am not sure what he is doing. If I call he responds-not avoiding me, but won't initiate the furthering of our relationship. He told me he hopes to figure it out soon. Does this sound like I have any hope? Did he just get scared? Please help!!!

VictorM's advice:

Marriage is a scarier proposition for guys than for girls. To many girls marriage is about a pretty dress, the right bridesmaids, and a memorable day. To guys it is the rest of their lives and the responsibility to support a family. Big difference.

His "back peddling" as you called it, was probably just the actions of a man who took that decision very seriously and wanted to make sure he was totally behind it before going ahead with it. What to him was proper consideration to you was ambivalence. He was expecting you to be a partner to deliberate this major decision with caution but instead your contribution was anger. Boy, talk about putting the brakes when he was already moving cautiously.

I don't think you scared him; I think you gave him a peek at what serious decision making is with you and he didn't like it. He was looking to make sure you were the right partner and you behave like an impatient authority figure instead.

He misses the girl he was considering marrying but he's not so sure you're that girl anymore. His 3 hour long calls are an attempt to reconcile the difference between the girl in the past that he so enjoyed and the too-eager woman he does not want. He doesn't want to give up the former, he doesn't want the latter. What he's doing is the same thing he was doing about marriage -- evaluating things carefully.

Accept it: your boyfriend is a cautious man that considers his future very carefully. This is not a matter of hoping; it's a matter of recognizing his careful decision making and atoning for your impatience about a decision that is till death do you part.