Gabbi, 16, asks:

There is a guy who has my heart. I have never been in love, we didn't date, and he had me at hello. I met him when I transferred schools. Throughout the school year, he has been going from girlfriend to girlfriend, leaving me on the side as he friend who he never ever hangs out with outside of school. He once said that I am his "best friend" which is weird because we barely talk. Anyway when these girlfriends are gone I'm back in the picture, when they come back I barely hear from him. During this summer I saw him 3 times. The first was by accident and he picked me up and twirled me when he saw me. The 2nd was at my bbq party and the 3rd was the next day. He came to my house to watch a movie and during the movie he kept saying things like why don't you kiss me, cuddle with me, you're a chicken because you're not trying to get with me. When I did try to cuddle he's like NO! etc. Anyway, he eventually said he knows what's going on and how I feel about him, even if it's unsaid. I told him I love him (not specifying how), but I don't have a crush on him.

I know I can't be with him, because we drive each other crazy as friends and he's a player.

But that's not the point. He left his myspace logged on my computer, and when I read through his messages (I know I shouldn't have!) I realized he says whatever he needs to get what he wants.

1. How is he so slick and smooth? The way he talks..he never stutters.
2. How can he play each girl but I can't even keep my crush from him?
3. How do I stop being so tense when I am with guys I like and relax?
4. Is it all about experience?

VictorM's advice:

Some people are good at that sorta thing. It's not a school you go to or a matter of experience. Like athletic ability or singing talent, you can improve it but you have to be born with it.

Maybe he's smooth because he's doing something that feels natural and good. At his age, being a "player" is a subjective term. He may very well be attentive and complimentary to a lot of girls at the same time and actually mean it. The truth is, there are lots of attractive, smart, sexy, and very appealing girls and the notion that a guy should focus on only one is what is highly unnatural.

Maybe if you realize that liking boys, liking to get their attention, liking them to like you is a very natural thing you wouldn't be so tense. If you realize that you're not marrying them, you're not having their child, you just want some of their attention for a while, maybe you too can relax and enjoy.

Try doing some flirting and casual talking with guys you don't particularly care for. See how it feels. You probably will find out you can do that with guys you like. Just focus and getting their attention for a minute, one witty line or one flirty comment at a time. Then walk away in triumph. Repeat as the mood strikes you.