Stacey, 17, from New York, asks:

I wrote a letter to a guy I really like telling him that I would like to be FRIENDS. When he gave me a letter back, he wrote (and I quote), "I would like to be MORE THAN FRIENDS". Then I wrote him again and said I thought it was a great idea, if he really wanted to do it (go out, that is!). Well, the problem starts there... whenever I see him, he never looks at me in any special way, never talks to me or even says "Hi", and he acts normal when he's with his friends and he's suddenly all quiet when we're alone.. it makes me feel envious of his friends because he opens up to them and not me, and he hardly ever smiles at me unless I do it first! It's seriously like he's acting like he doesn't even know me, and it tears me up! I just want to kiss him and smack him at the same time! I wouldn't really call him shy-- I think moody would be a pretty okay description! Well, I want to know why he does this when he says he likes me... and do you think he wants me to make the first big move? I want to, but I'm afraid he'll push me away or get bitchy at me if I try to touch him!! Now THAT would really suck for me...oh, and he acts totally clueless whenever I'm flirting with him, and he doesn't flirt back! OY.....what is up with him? and what should I do?

VictorM's advice:

Stacey, boys around your age have an innate need to seek challenges and overcome them. Their testosterone is flowing at warped speed and they need to do stuff that enables them to metaphorically go to the top of the mountain and bang their chest as a sign of success (also known as bragging rights).

When he said he wanted more than friendship and you replied that it was a great idea, two things happened: 1) you gave him bragging rights without him having to lift a finger, and 2) you removed the challenge from his life. Hell, he's saying to himself, if Stacey was so easy, what about Sue, and Brooke, and Shaina... etc etc. He's after bragging rights, not a woman to marry. At his age, he may not even be after sex yet (too scary at this point, which is why he's avoiding your flirting -- he doesn't want to be in a situation he's not ready for yet). So, he's doing enough to keep you away because he has no interest in being more than friends with a girl who posed no challenge at all.

Will you taking the initiative work? Probably not. I think you have a better chance of success if you start ignoring him and making him wonder what's with you. That curiosity and your cold shoulder for a while may be enough to make you a challenge again. Don't be rude to him, just not too friendly.