Christie, 37, from San Francisco, asks:

I am reeling from humiliation right now. On Saturday night after my boyfriend and I went to the grocery store to pick up snacks for an evening in, he announced that he would like me to start offering to pay for things. I am reeling because I had just bought lunch out that day and the dinner we had earlier in the week.

I know he is tight on money right now but I don't think this was appropriate. He is certainly entitled to his feelings but I don't know why he would block out how much I do pay.

Should I add that he makes four times as much as I do and has a tendency to buy very expensive things? I live accordingly to my budget which would never work for him.

I went to the ATM that night and took out as much money as I could. He wouldn't accept it claiming guilt but I left it anyway. I have not spoken to him since because I am just so offended.

Please tell me if I am being too sensitive here.

VictorM's advice:

Yes, you are being too sensitive. His remark, even if unfair based on how you pay for things, just shows he's willing to bring up something that's on his mind, while on the other hand you're talking about being "humiliated" and "offended". You're thinking pure cash, he's talking about manners.

Maybe he's looking to share expenses 50/50. Maybe he simply doesn't like you assuming he's going to pay? On the times when you have paid, did he offer to pay? Did he have some unexpected bill that day and was just overly grumpy about it? Was he simply frustrated with himself that he doesn't manage his money better? All of these, and many others, could be reasons for his request.

You had an opportunity to have a good discussion about how, as a couple, you two should handle money matters in the future so as not to cause problems, but instead you turned it into a war, throwing a tantrum, acting childish (by taking money from your ATM and giving it to him), and not talking to the guy since then. Even if his request was the dumbest and most unfair in the world -- and it's not -- shouldn't you be woman enough to just talk to the guy about the issue and resolve it? What's he to do next time he has something in his mind that he thinks you disagree with? Shut his mouth and let the problem fester, or does he bring it up expecting two adults to talk about it like adults?

Talk to the man, explain your viewpoint. If you still think he's wrong, say so and calmly tell him why. Maybe he'll agree with you, maybe not, but the money topic is of secondary importance compared to your inability to discuss it like a partner willing to exercise understanding and reach common ground.

Anyway, that's my two cents.

You can keep the change.