lindsey, 22, from glasgow, asks:

How do you get over someone quickly? I've broke up with my fiancee of 2 years and I don't want him or anything but I can't help but constantly feel down and sad, so sad even enough to cry every time I think about the past. I knew where I was going, what I was doing and now I have no idea.

VictorM's advice:

There are two ways to handle this. One way is to be a cold-hearted person who doesn't give a crap about things and therefore doesn't lose a minute of sleep over it. The other way is to be a loving person with dreams of happiness who feels crushed when her dreams aren't fulfilled. This kind of person comes with a tender heart and is vulnerable to pain.

Frankly, I much prefer the second type over the first. And I can tell so do you.

It takes time to get over someone you loved. But where you were headed hasn't changed. In fact, you broke up because you weren't headed there with this guy. You're not ending your journey, you're only pausing to get a new partner that shares that vision. It takes time to learn the lessons of the past before you can deal with the future with more confidence. And so until that happens, you cry, you feel sad, and you feel lost. If what you wanted wasn't painful to give up, even if temporarily, then what you wanted couldn't have been that precious. Feeling sad is confirmation that you were indeed after something worth while. In time, you will get back to the quest of finding a partner, even more sure of your destination, and more confident on your choice.

You don't get over someone quickly because doing so would cheapen what you stood for and would trivialize your dreams. Hurting reinforces their importance. Taking time to get over it reinforces that good people get wounded more deeply because they also love more deeply.

Accept your pain and sadness as necessary stages for you to find happiness again.