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Friday, August 31, 2007
Extremely dedicated to the gym
Sara, 24, from ca, asks:
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we have just started to argue about spending more time together. I have started a new job and am extremely dedicated to the gym on a daily basis. This has now become a problem and he sees my gym time as time I would rather not be with him. He doesn't want me to NOT go... just cut back. I don't think that is fair because I am trying to reach goals. What do you think?
VictorM's advice:
I don't see how you can disagree with the statement that your personal goals are more important than your relationship with him. That's basically what he's saying and he's right. You think working on the relationship is unfair if it causes you to make adjustments.
I don't know about you, but most people are turned off by someone who is too self-centered. You sound the part.
I hope you learn the meaning of the words "balance" and "compromise", otherwise you're going to be learning the meaning of "goodbye".
My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and we have just started to argue about spending more time together. I have started a new job and am extremely dedicated to the gym on a daily basis. This has now become a problem and he sees my gym time as time I would rather not be with him. He doesn't want me to NOT go... just cut back. I don't think that is fair because I am trying to reach goals. What do you think?
VictorM's advice:
I don't see how you can disagree with the statement that your personal goals are more important than your relationship with him. That's basically what he's saying and he's right. You think working on the relationship is unfair if it causes you to make adjustments.
I don't know about you, but most people are turned off by someone who is too self-centered. You sound the part.
I hope you learn the meaning of the words "balance" and "compromise", otherwise you're going to be learning the meaning of "goodbye".
Comments:
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It's ok to have personal goals. It's ok to have hobbies and a personal life slightly apart from your partner. Especially after two years. Sheesh. You're not attached at the hip!
This guy sounds insecure and needy.
This guy sounds insecure and needy.
The guy sounds needy because he wants to spend more time with his girlfriend?
This is an example of how often girls give each other bad advice (yes, I'm betting the previous poster was a girl). This is a case of taking the girl's side for no apparent reason.
Did the original question specify how much time they spend together? No! Maybe it's 5 minutes a day, a week, a year... who knows? So how can anyone say the guy is needy in this case. He wants to be spend more time with his girlfriend and said so.
Yes, it's nice to have personal goals. And if a person is not in a relationship, that's all that matters. But once you enter into a relationship, your personal goals need to be in balance with the relationship. If you can't do that, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
I didn't advise Sara to give up her gym time, but she needs to balance her personal goals so that they are in sync with her partner. Maybe reducing gym time isn't the only way to do it, but she shouldn't think of herself only as long as she's in a relationship.
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This is an example of how often girls give each other bad advice (yes, I'm betting the previous poster was a girl). This is a case of taking the girl's side for no apparent reason.
Did the original question specify how much time they spend together? No! Maybe it's 5 minutes a day, a week, a year... who knows? So how can anyone say the guy is needy in this case. He wants to be spend more time with his girlfriend and said so.
Yes, it's nice to have personal goals. And if a person is not in a relationship, that's all that matters. But once you enter into a relationship, your personal goals need to be in balance with the relationship. If you can't do that, you shouldn't be in a relationship.
I didn't advise Sara to give up her gym time, but she needs to balance her personal goals so that they are in sync with her partner. Maybe reducing gym time isn't the only way to do it, but she shouldn't think of herself only as long as she's in a relationship.
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
