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Friday, July 27, 2007
She has super strong feelings for him
samantha, 22, from USA, asks:
I wrote last week and you answered my question then but now I have another one. I have this guy friend that I have been super close to for about 6 years. I have super strong feelings for him and I love him dearly. Recently I have seperated from my husband of 4 years and my friend told me that he loved me. Well, a couple of days later he said that he didn't believe that I would leave my husband (which I have) and that he doesn't really love me. I am so confused. Is he just playing some kind of game with me? He has never revealed his true feelings to me before. Could you help?
VictorM's advice:
It's possible that he said that he loved you as a way to boost your ego and that bluff is coming back to haunt him. But I think it's more likely that he did feel something for you, which he was free to verbalize from the safety of you being unavailable. But once your situation changed he realized that his feelings weren't strong enough to hook up with you, specially so soon. Maybe he's just scared to rush into something with you. I wouldn't blame him for that.
You're just getting off a relationship. Don't rush into another. I suggest you let him know that you're OK with how he feels now and that you're just looking for friendship at this time. If he's that close to you and you think highly of him, having him around can't hurt. And who knows, once you put some distance between yourself and your ex, this guy might come around and allow his true feelings for you to surface. Even if this never happens, at least you have a close friend around.
I wrote last week and you answered my question then but now I have another one. I have this guy friend that I have been super close to for about 6 years. I have super strong feelings for him and I love him dearly. Recently I have seperated from my husband of 4 years and my friend told me that he loved me. Well, a couple of days later he said that he didn't believe that I would leave my husband (which I have) and that he doesn't really love me. I am so confused. Is he just playing some kind of game with me? He has never revealed his true feelings to me before. Could you help?
VictorM's advice:
It's possible that he said that he loved you as a way to boost your ego and that bluff is coming back to haunt him. But I think it's more likely that he did feel something for you, which he was free to verbalize from the safety of you being unavailable. But once your situation changed he realized that his feelings weren't strong enough to hook up with you, specially so soon. Maybe he's just scared to rush into something with you. I wouldn't blame him for that.
You're just getting off a relationship. Don't rush into another. I suggest you let him know that you're OK with how he feels now and that you're just looking for friendship at this time. If he's that close to you and you think highly of him, having him around can't hurt. And who knows, once you put some distance between yourself and your ex, this guy might come around and allow his true feelings for you to surface. Even if this never happens, at least you have a close friend around.
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"...the safety of you being unavailable..."
Yep. I had a huge crush on a guy friend in college. He took me everywhere with him. Mainly I think he just hated being alone. But he would flirt with me endlessly, tell me how pretty I looked, really buttered me up all the time. Of course, after I told him how I felt about him he distanced himself somewhat.
Then I started dating another guy within our circle of friends and what do you think happened? My ex-crush took me out to lunch and declared over hamburgers that he loved me. I was unavailable. Safe. It put all our circle of friends into a rather awkward situation.
I was so mad at him. He even cried all over my hamburger. Jeeeezusss!
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Yep. I had a huge crush on a guy friend in college. He took me everywhere with him. Mainly I think he just hated being alone. But he would flirt with me endlessly, tell me how pretty I looked, really buttered me up all the time. Of course, after I told him how I felt about him he distanced himself somewhat.
Then I started dating another guy within our circle of friends and what do you think happened? My ex-crush took me out to lunch and declared over hamburgers that he loved me. I was unavailable. Safe. It put all our circle of friends into a rather awkward situation.
I was so mad at him. He even cried all over my hamburger. Jeeeezusss!
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