Anonymous asks:

I'm a newly married woman concerned about my husband's erectile dysfunction, if that's the problem he has because he has been into some medical condition(taking some meds for his heart prob and kidney) that may have affected his erection. Even if I gave him oral sex I just ended up tired to do it more. Just couldn't do it longer because it stopped getting hard. Also, a few times felt disappointed because he didn't come, never not only once, even if we made love for more than an hour. I don't want to complain always, but as I've told him it would be more satisfying/gratifying for me if I've felt or seen him cum. I asked him why, but he said there wasn't even too much pressure to make him cum. He said when he masturbates he does. I don't know how can I satisfy him if he doesn't come. Please help, what could be possibly wrong? It makes me feel inferior that he just didn't think I'm desirable or just worried that I would get pregnant right away. Just seems odd if that's the only reason.

VictorM's advice:

Too bad you didn't give me your age, how long you two have been having sex, and if the sexual problems you describe are new.

Even without that, there's a few things to consider:

- If he has medical conditions that cause the ED, seeing a doctor and getting a prescription for Viagra or Levrita could alleviate that situation. Seeing a doctor about it should be the first thing he does. It's not uncommon for guys to have a problem early in a relationship. If you just started having sex, the ED could go away once he feels more comfortable. But for now, he could get help from drugs.
- The stress of a new partner can also cause some men to ejaculate too quickly or take too long. In either case, time and familiarity with each other will ease that situation. So give it time.
- If he ejaculates when he masturbates, then make that part of your love making. After you play with each other, let him masturbate himself to a climax. Hold your hand over his, learn how firm his grip his, the tempo of his strokes, and you'll get a better sense of what works for him. This can be quite an intimate and sexually gratifying experience for both of you. Make it part of your sex live instead of looking at it as if it's a negative.
- Don't feel like you have to make him ejaculate with oral sex. Lots of men don't! During love-making it's something you do for a while but don't do it till your jaw drops. Variation is best. Try other things, alternate, experiment... make it a little adventure together to see what works. It can be fun if you can relax and laugh about it. Sex doesn't have to be all serious all the time.
- Above all... STOP THINKING YOU'RE THE PROBLEM!!! Not only is this not the case, but you're bringing more stress upon him and yourself by thinking that way. Do you really think he married you because he didn't find you attractive? Come on! Get real! There are very physical issues at play with sex, and not every couple gets going on all cylinders from the get go. It takes time and effort to relax and work out the kinks.

What you need most of all is to relax! RELAX! Close your eyes, lay back, touch each other... kiss, lick, hug, feel, nibble... take.your.time! Forget ejaculating. Forget climaxing. Just enjoy being with each other, naked, raw, with no pressure. Make it fun. The rest will come (pun intended)!