Confused in AZ, 25, asks:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I recently found out he was calling an ex girlfriend, a classmate from high school. He texts and calls her. She has a boyfriend and lives 5 hours away. He tells me that they are just friends and nothing more. This is difficult for me because I found love letters from her talking about her love for him. These letters I found were from the time they broke up. Sometimes when I ask why do you still talk to her? He gets upset we end up arguing. Also, I say to him you haven’t seen her in 5-6 years and all of a sudden you start calling her? Now I don’t know what to say. I’m confused. He knows this bothers me and he still does it. Should I believe him? Are they really just friends? Help.

VictorM's answer:

He doesn't stop calling her even after you object and he can't give you a good reason for doing it. These are not good signs! I don't know what, but there's a good chance something is missing from your relationship, so he's reaching elsewhere. Worry less about her and more about you and him.

Whether he continues to risk fights over "just a friend" or he's still hooked on her that he can't stop calling her, these calls to her are a threat to your relationship. You can't just ignore them. I don't know if by calling her he's reaching for previous feelings or just reaching for a sympathetic voice, but I'm almost sure she's not arguing with him. You should reconsider your approach and stop the arguments. Next time you two talk about this don't accuse him of anything. Start your sentences with "I"... I don't understand... I don't like it... I feel betrayed... I feel cheated... I feel ignored... I feel insecure... etc.