Jen, 25, from Danbury, asks:

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year. Last December we decided to move in together. The thing is I moved to a different state to be with him. I have major trust issues with men due to being cheated on in the past, and also my previous boyfriend's addiction to internet porn. About 2 months ago I went onto his computer and noticed he had belonged to a few internet sex sites under a different name. He had also been posing as a woman looking for women on a different sex site. I gained the courage to confront him about this. And I explained to him that I don't mind if he looks at porn, but I couldn't understand why he feels he needs to talk to others. I just asked him to respect me due to my previous boyfriend's porn addiction. He didn't really give me an answer as to why he did this, and was really defensive and told me to "get over it". Our sex life has declined lately and I practically have to beg for it. He also admits that he is bored with our sex life. He admitted to me that he masturbates to the images a few times a week while I'm not home or sleeping. I feel somewhat trapped and cannot understand why he would go to such lengths to do this. This is the second serious relationship I have been in where internet porn has been the major and only issue. PLEASE HELP!

VictorM's advice:

Porn is not your "major and only issue". You're cheating yourself if you think so. You explained to him what your problems with his behavior were and his answer was "get over it". The attitude behind that answer is your major problem!

It appears that you get attracted to men who don't respect you. And they show it either by telling you "get over it"or by cheating. These men probably carry other baggage but porn or cheating is what you have been able to put your finger on. I bet there's more.

But they are not the issue -- you are! You are overlooking your inability to recognize such men and your preponderance to tolerate their lack of respect for you. Just listen to yourself: you "practically have to beg" for sex. They fuck up and you're the one almost begging.

People keep getting attracted to the same kind of person over and over unless they correct what leads to such attraction. Getting to the bottom of it can be done but you need to see a professional therapist.