Katherine, 33, from London, asks:

Hi Victor... I have just started sleeping with a guy I've known for a few months, with whom I have had amazing chemistry since we first met. The chemistry is still fantastic, the sex itself is great but the foreplay is very ordinary. How do I (gently) guide him, so as not to offend but to improve things for both of us? Advice needed!...Katherine.

VictorM's advice:

Very common problem indeed. Well, don't say it to him very overtly. Guys generally don't handle that sort of comment very well. But you can't stay quiet either otherwise he'll never know what you like.

Just bring it up in terms of "something I'd like to try with you, honey". So, whatever it is that you'd like, present it to him in terms of an experiment. For example, if you want want candles, soft music, and to dress in sexy clothes, with a lot more touching and kissing before the sex, set up the scene... say it, "tonight we're going to take it easier". If he starts getting a little aggressive, joke with comments like "slow down, big boy". The point is, set the mood you'd like and then guide him along. Now, the first few times it may seem like more work than you'd like, but unless he's an idiot, he'll want to please you and you'll both benefit in the long run.

Just make sure to express how much you're enjoying things when they are indeed at a pace you like, and reward him with compliments. If you stroke his ego when he does things you like, he'll do them more often. It's that simple.

Some might say that straight communication is better. That is, sitting down with him and telling him that you want better foreplay. But saying you want "better foreplay" means nothing. Do what, for how long? It's very subjective. He'll just look at you like a deer in headlights. Also, if you talk about it in too much detail beforehand, the foreplay will feel like "fuck by numbers" kind of exercise -- not very romantic, is it?

Guiding him to what you like done and at the pace you prefer is the best way to go. Most guys really do want to please their lover. So guide him along. And praise him when he gets it right.