Sarah, 22, from Texas, asks:

I broke up with my ex two months ago because we were unable to sustain our long-distance relationship. Since then I have been in town twice and we had sex both times.

The first time we agreed that it was like a friends-with-benefits thing. The second time was this Friday. I meant to just drive into town for something I needed to pick up and have dinner with him then drive back home. We didn't get dinner until 9 and there was a party at our friends' house so I stayed because I didn't want to drive home late and tipsy.

At one point he sat me down and said that he had been dating a girl for two weeks and hadn't wanted to tell me because he thought it would be awkward. We agreed that we are just friends and that we can share everything with each other. Then later we were talking in a bedroom and he closed the door and kissed me. He always does this!

Well later that night we went back and got in bed to go to sleep. I thought everything would be cool since we kept most of our clothes on. Then he started kissing me again. I told him I didn't want to do anything because I didn't want to be thinking about him for weeks afterward. It's like a yo-yo effect. I finally get OK with being apart and then I see him and he is so great and I can't be OK with it.

So, I caved and we had sex that night and the next morning. Saturday night he called me and apologized and said he felt really bad. I asked him if he felt bad for me or for her and he said for both. We agreed if I visit him and his roommates again then I am sleeping on the couch.

He said he was an asshole but it's so hard for me to tell him that is true. I love him too much to even believe it's true I guess. I don't think they were boyfriend/girlfriend, I think they were just dating and he told me he didn't like the way she treated him. I suppose my question is, am I a skank for doing this? Do you think it is possible for us to remain friends? And the whole reason I broke up with him was that I wanted him to date other people (I was his first girlfriend) so that if we were meant to be, we could settle down without him wondering what might have been. Is this a ridiculous expectation?

VictorM's advice:

You're not a skank, you're a liar.

You can't possibly be so naiveas to think that you can lay in bed with some clothes on and expected nothing would happen -- of course you know what would happen! Come on!

I don't think it's possible for you to be friends without the benefits, specially when you throw yourself into situations that makes it so easy to get physical with each other.

If you want him to date other people, stay out of the way, otherwise, you're cheating yourself. But the whole idea is kinda nutty, if you ask me. I mean, he likes you, you like him. Why play games?

Yes, games. Just look at your submission. You start by saying you broke up because you couldn't sustain the long-distance relationship but you finish by saying you wanted him to date other girls to see if you were meant for each other. So, come on, what was your real motivation? And you knew very well you'd wind up in bed with him both times you visited. And next time you'll sleep in the couch... come on! You're playing too many games with the guy.

You're playing with fire; you know what happens when people do that.