sweettart, 34, from us, asks:

I have been in a relationship with a manly man for 5 years. We live with his 2 kids. He does little with them, goes to the bar 5 nights a week, works hard. He says our relationship needs work but doesn't want to DO anything to make it better. He doesn't cuddle because"that's just the way he is". He knows I have needs but "just can't help me because that's just how he is" so basically he brings home money and leaves. He doesn't seem to care how I feel, he expects me to wait on him ( take his boots off, get his drink, serve his dinner) but I am working full time, going to school, and trying to take care of the kids, plus visit mine 60 miles one way. Our finances suck, his tab runs 300 a month but that's his stress relief. I am resentful and tired. What can I do to get his help? Will he ever appreciate what I do? What can I do to make this work...I am out of ideas... What is going through his head?

VictorM's advice:

I assume that when you met him he didn't cuddle, was already a manly man, enjoyed bars, in short, he is now the way he was when you met him. I can't imagine the kind of man you describe being that much different before you hooked up with him. So, what this tells me is you knew exactly what you were getting into. You made a mistake before and now you want him to change to correct your mistake. You should look for a job in the Bush administration -- you'd fit right in!

He is the way it is. He doesn't apologize for it. He doesn't mislead you about it. He's letting you know, in no uncertain terms, that the door is open. The real question here is why haven't you walked out? Why don't you leave?

Stop complaining because your inability to do what's best for you matches his unwillingness to change. But at least he's being true to himself, which is more than we can say for you.