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Thursday, May 31, 2007
Now he wants a break
Rebecca, 28, from USA, asks:
Hi, I've been living with this guy for 2 1/2 yrs. I moved down here just for him. We got engaged last Dec'06 and we were planning to have a wedding on Oct'07. But we postponed it because he said he doesn't know what he wants. He said that the way he's feeling for me is different, not like 2 years ago when we met for the first time. He told me he still cares about me and willing to help me out until I'm settle down. And now he wants a break. What should I do? I'm not ready to let him go and date another girl. He said at this time he does really want this break to find what's wrong with him. Is he lying to me?
VictorM's advice:
Maybe he's just getting cold feet. It's quite common. So I wouldn't say he's lying; just not sure he's ready for marriage. If this is the case, it has more to do with stress than with you.
He could be cooling off about you, but even he may not be in a position to know at this time. If this is the case, there isn't much you can do.
I suggest you do two things: one, call off the engagement, do not just postpone it. Maybe that will relieve the pressure he feels and allow you two to see each other in a more relaxed manner. Two, tell him you don't want to break up with him. If he wants to date other girls you can't stop him but he can't see you anymore. If he's determined to play the field you are not going to stop him anyway, so the best you can do is lay the rules loud and clear.
Hi, I've been living with this guy for 2 1/2 yrs. I moved down here just for him. We got engaged last Dec'06 and we were planning to have a wedding on Oct'07. But we postponed it because he said he doesn't know what he wants. He said that the way he's feeling for me is different, not like 2 years ago when we met for the first time. He told me he still cares about me and willing to help me out until I'm settle down. And now he wants a break. What should I do? I'm not ready to let him go and date another girl. He said at this time he does really want this break to find what's wrong with him. Is he lying to me?
VictorM's advice:
Maybe he's just getting cold feet. It's quite common. So I wouldn't say he's lying; just not sure he's ready for marriage. If this is the case, it has more to do with stress than with you.
He could be cooling off about you, but even he may not be in a position to know at this time. If this is the case, there isn't much you can do.
I suggest you do two things: one, call off the engagement, do not just postpone it. Maybe that will relieve the pressure he feels and allow you two to see each other in a more relaxed manner. Two, tell him you don't want to break up with him. If he wants to date other girls you can't stop him but he can't see you anymore. If he's determined to play the field you are not going to stop him anyway, so the best you can do is lay the rules loud and clear.
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