Alia, 21, from Washingtondc, asks:

How do I talk to a guy without feeling so nervous? It's like if a cute guy approaches me I kinda lose breath, and this can't be attractive. What is the best way to come off as cool and confident in any situation (on a date, etc). Should I say as few words as possible? I wanna be able to socialize with any guy.

VictorM's advice:

Being shy as you describe can be very debilitating. But you can slowly work on it to change your behavior. The most important thing is to accept that you're not going to change overnight. So you should be looking for small little victories. Little acts of courage that slowly but surely builds up your level of trust.

First try small things that don't require words. If you see a cute guy, or if one approaches, train yourself to smile. Just a smile. Then, work on holding a stare a couple seconds longer than you normaly would. Then learn to use simple things that makes a guy do most of the talking. Things like "tell me more about it". For example, if a guy mentions some movie he saw, say "tell me more about it"... this will get him to talk. While he's talking what do you do? You smile, you gaze at him (because you've practiced doing it) but he's carrying most of the weight. Other such expressions that lead the guy to talk are things like... what makes you say that? Why do you think so? Explain that to me. Etc.

You need to realize that the guy is most likely as nervous and as shy as you. He's probably hoping that you carry on the conversation. So don't be afraid to talk about things you are comfortable talking about. If you're not sure if he's interested, learn to do use self-deprecating humor, like... "is this boring you?" "Don't get me started on [topic] or I'll never stop." "I'm warning you, I can talk non-stop about [topic]" "Am I dazzling you with the nutty stuff I know?". If you can laugh at yourself, you'll see how much easier it all becomes.

Don't expect to become the life of the party overnight. Take small steps. With each step forward, the next one becomes easier.

Tags: shyness, shy around guys, nervous around guys