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Wednesday, May 23, 2007
I started dating this guy who is getting divorced
dawn, 34, from lancaster, asks:
I started dating this guy who is getting divorced, and everything was going great, until she started calling him and texting him. Now he's confused about who to be with. Because he tells me he's still in love with his soon to be ex-wife. I don't know what to do. We still talk but I want to be with him, and I was wondering how to win him back or win his heart over. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
These periods of confusion soon after a break-up are normal. You're lucky he's being honest with you about his feelings for her. It's very hard for you to compete if he has feelings for her. Chances are he really wants to give it another try and unless he does, she'll always dominate his mind.
The best you can do is say that you want to be with him. Reinforce your commitment to the relationship. Give him some time to mull the whole thing over. During that time, continue to be as good to him as you have always been. It may not be enough to change his mind, but if he's bent on giving her another try, there's not much you can do. He may need to get that out of his system if you and him are going to have a chance down the road.
I'm not suggesting you roll-over and play dead, but you should be aware of the probabilities. And they aren't in your favor. But they also aren't in his favor; more likely than not, his relationship with her is doomed anyway, he just doesn't know it yet.
I started dating this guy who is getting divorced, and everything was going great, until she started calling him and texting him. Now he's confused about who to be with. Because he tells me he's still in love with his soon to be ex-wife. I don't know what to do. We still talk but I want to be with him, and I was wondering how to win him back or win his heart over. Please help me.
VictorM's advice:
These periods of confusion soon after a break-up are normal. You're lucky he's being honest with you about his feelings for her. It's very hard for you to compete if he has feelings for her. Chances are he really wants to give it another try and unless he does, she'll always dominate his mind.
The best you can do is say that you want to be with him. Reinforce your commitment to the relationship. Give him some time to mull the whole thing over. During that time, continue to be as good to him as you have always been. It may not be enough to change his mind, but if he's bent on giving her another try, there's not much you can do. He may need to get that out of his system if you and him are going to have a chance down the road.
I'm not suggesting you roll-over and play dead, but you should be aware of the probabilities. And they aren't in your favor. But they also aren't in his favor; more likely than not, his relationship with her is doomed anyway, he just doesn't know it yet.
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