Sue, 19, from jhb, asks:

This guy is friends with this group I used to hang out with a lot. He has become religious and has stopped dating girls as he says he is confused and not ready at the moment. We speak a lot on MSN and have had a lot of arguments about our beliefs-he always says, MSN is a bad place to discuss these things (as opposed to real life) but when I suggest meeting, he says he can't because he only wants to date for marriage and none of us want marriage now. One time he said he would date me if he knew I was right and my expectations were too high too quickly. I am also the one to initiate our online conversations and am enjoying the friendship, although I would like it to progress to the next level and it isn't. I may be seeing him at some religious thing this weekend. Should I just not go and show him that I'm not desperate to see him and am fine on my own. It worries me that he has no plans to date me (he said he likes me but can't date right now) and that he's just enjoying my company and the ego-boost of knowing that I like him and is never planning on making any kind of commitment. On the other hand, I feel like I should just give it time, in spite of all the anxiety and feelings of self-doubt I am experiencing right now. Please help me!

He is a very good-looking boy who is confident in his ability to get girls and I wonder if he wants me because a lot of guys want to date me and it's an even bigger ego-boost that he won't date me but I still devote so much and energy to him.

Thanks

VictorM's advice:

I'm not questioning is commitment to not date until he's more serious, but you are making it too easy for him to not feel the need to get serious. Maybe he's avoiding you because of his convictions, but maybe he's just exercising control over you. And control over you he has! And even sincere religious folks can't help it sometimes being a little devilish.

Stop making such a big fuss over the guy. Doing it only reinforces his current stance.