Megan, 17, from Arkansas asks:

I have a friend who used to be my boyfriend and when we were going out he told me that he loved me and that he was never going to break up with me then out of the blue he breaks up with me because he needs to do some "soul searching" or something but he says he still wants us to be together and he's calling me his best friend. I'm confused because before we started going out he knew exactly who he was and what he wanted in life then he starts going out with me and four months later needs to do his soul searching. What does it mean when a guy calls his ex-girlfriend his best friend and why would a guy all of a sudden need to do soul searching?

VictorM's answer:

This is painful to you but all too common and simple to explain: He started going out with you and felt strong feelings for you at the beginning. Then, with time, for reasons he probably doesn't even know himself, he realized you're not "the one" for him. It's that simple. So how do you break-up with a girl you realize you're not in love with but you still care for and wish her well? Most guys make up little white lies, like "soul searching", "need space", "it's not you, it's me", etc.

The bottom line is, once a guy says he wants to break-up, don't bother with what he says next. It's not that he's actually lying; it's just a mechanism to try to avoid hurting your feelings. And he says he wants to remain friends for the same reason. Most likely, in a short period of time he'll gravitate away from you. And that's a good thing. You and him need to go your separate ways now and start dating other people again.

You did nothing wrong. He did nothing wrong. Life just happened to you both. That's all. Finding the right one who thinks you're his right one too is not easy, but it's important to try and get it right. It's a journey. You're on your way. Keep going. And don't settle. Don't ever just settle.

Labels: break-up, ex-boyfriend, falling out of love, out of the blue