sara, 29, from uk asks:

I've been with my partner 15 years. He's 4 years older. Grown apart, tried to end it 3 times in 5 months. I can't move out as I pay all bills. I have a good job. He won't move out, still wants us to make a go of it! Help

VictorM's advice:

You're not in girlfriend mode, you're in mother mode. You're worried about his inability to live on his own. You're also worried of being on your own. And that's understandable. After 15 years with the same person, it's very difficult to break away. Even if you have no feelings left for him, your body forms a type of addition to the other person... to his scent, to his voice, to his presence. But you have a good job. You CAN move out. You need to find the courage to do it. And you need to stop thinking as his mom -- he'll find his way without you.

If you can't break away cold turkey, do it in steps. Start finding new friends, go out with them, spend time away from him doing things that you enjoy. Sleep at a friend's house often. Find a new hobby, look for new interests, buy new and different clothes, listen to new music... do as much as you can without him.

Just don't stay without making an effort to leave or your life will pass you by and you'll be miserable. Above all don't put yourself down for not having moved out yet; it's a hard thing to do. Give yourself credit for little victories.

Labels: grown apart, moving out