jules, 39, from Münich, asks:

Hallo... I have been dating a younger man (29, Pisces) for the past 1.5 years. It has been on and off because he has said there is no future between us and that we are not the same "class". Most people would be very upset with such comments but it gave me "fuel" to want to be more. Which means to me that I have "consciously/subconsciously" looked for this kind of trigger to motivate me.

After I leave him he chases me again and the whole thing starts all over. He always comes back. It's a game we play. Either he doesn't quite know what is going on inside his head...(lust or love?) or he just wants to "use" me. Maybe it is both! However I adore this boy because he has made me take a look at myself and where I am going. I have found the courage to go back to my original desire which is to be a painter. This, I believe is my true calling... that's what I do best!You might say he is a kind of muse for me.

Recently, however, he has been offered a job in London and after much thinking he is going to do it. I feel jealous of him, but also hurt. He says our relationship will continue as was, except we won't see each other as often! He will pay for me to visit him in London. This jealousy (because I also want to have a bright new future) has motivated me in turn to visit London (I know London as i did a BA at one of the finest design colleges in the world there about 5 years ago). Now I'm planning to go back after I have painted 10 large canvases by this time next year and apply to do an MA at another one of the very finest art colleges in the world in London. In my head I guess that I hope to impress him... at the same time I know I am doing it for me and I do love London and have some wonderful, exciting, courageous friends there. Whatever the reasons for going to London I feel I have found my slumbering passion again... and that makes me happy. I am back to the me I know myself to be. The me I want to be with him or anyone else... that is a confident me!

Now, after all that ...I feel I can be everything to him except 10 years younger ( i.e gorgeous, natural, and talented). But should I quit seeing him until he goes to London (end of April)? Or see him and not get intimate (which is what I have been doing)? Or should I just be happy that I finally know where I am going in my life and accept that it is over? Should I go for my dream of him and being at the college?

I would love to know what your intuition says!?

Thank you
Jules

VictorM's advice:

Why not go for the whole thing, if you can get it, specially if one wish doesn't prevent the other? Follow your dream with school; a degree will last a life time. See him but keep your feet planted on the ground -- your odds of a long term relationship with him are small. He's been very clear about you not figuring in his future, only on his now. And only because he lacks willpower. You will do until he finds another girl of his same "class".

So, see him for now, but as you advance in your art school, learn to paint a bullseye. At some point, paint one on his ass and kick it before he does it to you.

Labels: age difference, is he using me