Danielle, 19, from NY asks:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for about half a year now. I would classify it as a serious relationship, as we have talked about the future and everything. In the beginning of the relationship things were awesome, we were so in love, you know the deal. But I would say the past two months we've come to a bit of a stand still. He doesn't really take me out anymore, most of our time spent together is at home, he doesn't put in the effort and do those little things that he used to in the beginning etc, He's occasionally too tired to get physical. So the other day I had a talk with him, about maybe taking a break in our relationship. I thought maybe he was avoiding the talk because he didn't want to hurt me. Basically he freaked and said the thought of breaking up with me had never crossed his mind...Now he thinks that something is going on with me, or there is another guy involved "because this came out of nowhere." We are patching things up as I write this, so I'm pretty sure things will be okay but...I guess my question is what the hell should I think of this? Is this something that happens in all relationships? I wouldn't really know I guess. Does it get better, and is there a way to get past it? Basically I just don't know what to think about this confusing guy behavior. Insight appreciated.

VictorM's advice:

What's happening, unfortunately is far too common. Guys are notorious for getting lazy once they feel secure in the relationship. It's not a matter of being less in love, it's just they feel no need to keep working at it. Some guys get like this in months, same in years, but far too many get there sooner or later.

But just because it's common it doesn't mean you should settle for it. With such guys, the women need to keep lighting a fire under their lazy asses, trade the guy for another and hope the new one is better -- most often he isn't, or they can anticipate being unhappy.

What you do is up to you, but if you want to keep trying with this guy, let him think whatever he wants about the reason you brought this up. If he's not so secure in this relationship, he might realize he needs to work for you. Don't go out of your way to make him jealous, but make him wonder why you're wearing more perfume to work, or more make-up when going shopping. The problem is, you're likely to have to keep it up for the rest of your life unless this guy has some epiphany. Guys seldom get better at this; most often, it gets worse.

Just keep in mind that laziness, if not reversed, is an irreconcilable difference.

Labels: boyfriend, irreconcilable difference, lazy