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Monday, January 15, 2007
To be a Family Again
Darran, 20
Nebraska
Asks:
I have been with this girl off and on from sixth grade. Everything was great. I couldn't have asked anything better. Then, four year's ago, I smoked pot and lied to her about it over and over. She left me for it.
I am so sorry for what I did, but now it's too late to take back. I love her so much, it ain't even worth trying to explain. I can't blame her. I know I hurt her. I lost all her trust , love, friendship and respect. All of her friends and her parents tell her I will never change, to move on. I love her and my little boy more than I could ever explain. I want to be a family again. At least be friends. So, I guess my question to you is can you help me.
Lee's Thoughts:
First, decide how important pot is to you. Do you need to have it? Is it worth giving it up if it will give you a chance to be with your family again? Make that decision for yourself and then proceed.
You also know that this is not a pot issue, its a trust issue. Trust is extremely difficult to win back once you have lost it, especially if you have defaced her trust REPEATEDLY. If you have told her many times that you have changed, and haven't, she would be stupid to take you back on yet ANOTHER promise. This may take years depending on your girlfriend and your commitment to changing.
So, first make the commitment to yourself about the person you want to be. You need to do this for yourself as much as her and your son. I wouldn't even tell her about your changes until you have made a plan for yourself and implemented them for at least a month or two. Stop smoking pot and any other self-destructive activities that have led you away from the life you want to lead. Work hard. Save money. Keep your apartment clean, full of food for your child, and free from people who would distract you from your goals and your path. Get a haircut (girls notice this stuff). Wear a clean shirt and treat her NICELY. Don't blame her if she thinks this is all just an act. She's used to the old you, not the new you. If you keep it up and make it a LIFE CHANGE, she'll notice and she'll appreciate it.
Once you've begun to live a life you are proud of, take her out to dinner, just as friends. Again, BE SWEET and explain to her your goals, what you've accomplished and that you hope to rekindle your friendship with her. (You can't expect her to fall over in love and marry you right away..so take it slowly).
Essentially, be nice and be proud of yourself. Like I said, this may take a while, but if you put in the effort, the rewards will be plentiful.
Nebraska
Asks:
I have been with this girl off and on from sixth grade. Everything was great. I couldn't have asked anything better. Then, four year's ago, I smoked pot and lied to her about it over and over. She left me for it.
I am so sorry for what I did, but now it's too late to take back. I love her so much, it ain't even worth trying to explain. I can't blame her. I know I hurt her. I lost all her trust , love, friendship and respect. All of her friends and her parents tell her I will never change, to move on. I love her and my little boy more than I could ever explain. I want to be a family again. At least be friends. So, I guess my question to you is can you help me.
Lee's Thoughts:
First, decide how important pot is to you. Do you need to have it? Is it worth giving it up if it will give you a chance to be with your family again? Make that decision for yourself and then proceed.
You also know that this is not a pot issue, its a trust issue. Trust is extremely difficult to win back once you have lost it, especially if you have defaced her trust REPEATEDLY. If you have told her many times that you have changed, and haven't, she would be stupid to take you back on yet ANOTHER promise. This may take years depending on your girlfriend and your commitment to changing.
So, first make the commitment to yourself about the person you want to be. You need to do this for yourself as much as her and your son. I wouldn't even tell her about your changes until you have made a plan for yourself and implemented them for at least a month or two. Stop smoking pot and any other self-destructive activities that have led you away from the life you want to lead. Work hard. Save money. Keep your apartment clean, full of food for your child, and free from people who would distract you from your goals and your path. Get a haircut (girls notice this stuff). Wear a clean shirt and treat her NICELY. Don't blame her if she thinks this is all just an act. She's used to the old you, not the new you. If you keep it up and make it a LIFE CHANGE, she'll notice and she'll appreciate it.
Once you've begun to live a life you are proud of, take her out to dinner, just as friends. Again, BE SWEET and explain to her your goals, what you've accomplished and that you hope to rekindle your friendship with her. (You can't expect her to fall over in love and marry you right away..so take it slowly).
Essentially, be nice and be proud of yourself. Like I said, this may take a while, but if you put in the effort, the rewards will be plentiful.
