Diana, 51, from Florida asks:

We have been in a 5 year relationship, living in separate homes but across the street from each other. I have a 12 year old daughter, he has no children. (He is 59) we have had our ups and downs but always felt true soul mates with this man and he with me. He had been caught in the past with saying he was working but seeing another "friend". Fessed up and said he was tempted with an ex, but never did anything. It broke my trust some though, but got over it and we went on. I believe it has lingered with me and our arguments start coming more frequent ruining our "alone weekends" over crazy things. In a nutshell I wondered whether he would always be there for me and he thought that I did not truly love him! (The actual truth is that we both were 100% in love with each other but did not see it. Anyway after our last blow up over me saying something stupid, he is calling off the relationship. Said he hurts bad but better to get it over now and not wait for another ruined weekend. He has been miserable, me too. But he hates me so now. He said he believes I was so crafty all these years, leading him on. He tells me to hurry up and find someone so that he can too then, but he does not want to be the first one. He does not go anywhere, just stays home when not working (self employed) and watches tv... can't get motivated. His hurt is so bad that it has turned into pure hate for me. Tried to tell him that the "we" is worth fixing. You do not give up on how well we really get along and the things we both like together. Fact: Never ever cheated on him. ( we both are attractive people) Love him dearly. I know he does me too, however feeling dead inside. Are we hopeless? Has he been so hurt from his other relationships in the past he is giving up? He has been married 2 times, me never. One more fact and he knows this too, I am probably one of the nicest people around, will do anything for anyone... kind heart. Honest. Our quarrels happen after some cocktails.

VictorM's advice:

Stop drinking! Or drink alone.

You're both 100% in love with each other? Bullshit! People who are in love don't behave the way you do. He won't date someone else because he wants you to do that first? Are you freaking serious?! And then you said something stupid and the reaction of so called soul-mates is to break-up? Does this make any sense to you? It doesn't to me.

Is there any hope for you two? I doubt it. If by age 59 and 51 you still waste your time with such petty behavior, you don't value life and you don't value each other. You may be in your 50's but emotionally you're two dysfunctional teenagers.

Stop being so nice! Too nice can be annoying. Tell the old fart to stop acting like a child and behave like a man or fuck off! You're wasting the last few good years of your life away. Be assertive -- men like that!

Labels: break-up, relationship