Sharon, 30, from United States asks:

I have been seeing this guy for about 4 months now. A month and a half into "dating" we had the talk about where things were and we both agreed that we wanted to date each other but also date other people. Go forward another month and half and we have another talk about where this whole dating thing is headed. He said he tried to have a relationship with me (I didn't even realize this) but that he just isn't ready but still wants to date to see where this is going but also date other people still. So does he like me or am I just some kind of back-up plan? We always have fun together and I can tell he likes me by the little things he does, but after 4 months shouldn't you know whether or not you want to be in a relationship with someone?

VictorM's advice:

Why should he feel so secure about a relationship with you when just a few weeks ago you were willing to date other guys too? So now that you have reached a conclusion, he should too, on your timetable? Doesn't work that way. I'm not convinced you're a back-up plan -- you might be -- but I'm more inclined to believe he's not convinced about your feelings for him.

My suggestion, if you really are ready to commit to him and you want him to commit to you, is to say to him that you are now sure he's the one, and since you reached that conclusion, you can't be a part-time lover. If he still needs to date other people, fine, but he can't date you. Basically, he'll have to shit or get off the pot about you.

If he decides to continue to play the field, then you have your answer -- you've been nothing but a back-up plan. If, however, he is willing to commit to you, well... name your first born after me.

Labels: date other people, dating, relationship