Monday, December 18, 2006
Long-Distance Drama
Franco, 30
Phoenix
Asks:
I have been chatting online with a girl for about 8 months on and off. She is from another country and is going to university. I was getting ready to visit her back in August but things happened and 1 week before my trip I had to cancel. I called her on the phone to let her know and she was very upset. She said that she had planned things for us, she took vacation from work and she also told me that although it may seem selfish on her part, she does not want me to visit her anymore, call her etc.
She sent me an e-mail after a few months, telling me that she changed her phone number. She also told me that she was thinking about me and dreaming about us meeting at the airport for the first time. (She had gone to the airport and sat there thinking about me.) She also said that she hates feeling this way because it may not work between us and that she has to forget. Well I decided to visit her for 4 days. It was amazing. I have very strong feelings for her and she told me the same. She wanted me to stay with her and not go back to the USA.
Well, I came back a few days ago and I called her on the phone. The conversation was nice. I could feel her love. I have not felt like that for a long time. I would love to be with her forever. She plans to go to the US after graduation (internship). She does not know were but I have the feeling that she does not want to live here in Phoenix with me. After that she plans to go to Europe for a few months and then after that she will consider having a boyfriend and getting married. With me or someone else.These are her own words. Now when we chat I get the sensation that she is cold with me. As if it bothers her when I call her. I don't want to upset her and seem as if I am a possessive person. Please give me some advice.
Lee's Thoughts:
It sounds as if you both see some possibility in this relationship. The key is, you must both be willing to start making some plans to be with each other on a more regular basis. Long distance relationships cannot work without some sort of goal of being together in the future. If you want to be with her, you need to express that you would like her to look for internships in Phoenix. If she interns in the U.S., but 500 miles away from you, that doesn't do any good. She may be waiting for you to show some interest before she makes any final plans. If you tell her your feelings and she still doesn't want to be with you after graduation, I don't see how this relationship can work.
If you can be together in the same city for a few months, you'll have a better idea about if a relationship is possible. If things are going well after that, why not go to Europe together?
She needs to know that you care, that she is not just some one-time fling. Telling her that is not "being possessive", its being romantic. She's told you how she feels, now its your turn. You will have to risk sharing your feelings or she will continue to be cold in defense of her heart and herself.
Phoenix
Asks:
I have been chatting online with a girl for about 8 months on and off. She is from another country and is going to university. I was getting ready to visit her back in August but things happened and 1 week before my trip I had to cancel. I called her on the phone to let her know and she was very upset. She said that she had planned things for us, she took vacation from work and she also told me that although it may seem selfish on her part, she does not want me to visit her anymore, call her etc.
She sent me an e-mail after a few months, telling me that she changed her phone number. She also told me that she was thinking about me and dreaming about us meeting at the airport for the first time. (She had gone to the airport and sat there thinking about me.) She also said that she hates feeling this way because it may not work between us and that she has to forget. Well I decided to visit her for 4 days. It was amazing. I have very strong feelings for her and she told me the same. She wanted me to stay with her and not go back to the USA.
Well, I came back a few days ago and I called her on the phone. The conversation was nice. I could feel her love. I have not felt like that for a long time. I would love to be with her forever. She plans to go to the US after graduation (internship). She does not know were but I have the feeling that she does not want to live here in Phoenix with me. After that she plans to go to Europe for a few months and then after that she will consider having a boyfriend and getting married. With me or someone else.These are her own words. Now when we chat I get the sensation that she is cold with me. As if it bothers her when I call her. I don't want to upset her and seem as if I am a possessive person. Please give me some advice.
Lee's Thoughts:
It sounds as if you both see some possibility in this relationship. The key is, you must both be willing to start making some plans to be with each other on a more regular basis. Long distance relationships cannot work without some sort of goal of being together in the future. If you want to be with her, you need to express that you would like her to look for internships in Phoenix. If she interns in the U.S., but 500 miles away from you, that doesn't do any good. She may be waiting for you to show some interest before she makes any final plans. If you tell her your feelings and she still doesn't want to be with you after graduation, I don't see how this relationship can work.
If you can be together in the same city for a few months, you'll have a better idea about if a relationship is possible. If things are going well after that, why not go to Europe together?
She needs to know that you care, that she is not just some one-time fling. Telling her that is not "being possessive", its being romantic. She's told you how she feels, now its your turn. You will have to risk sharing your feelings or she will continue to be cold in defense of her heart and herself.
