Zoe, 21, from Maryland asks:

We've been dating for almost 2 months. He disappeared for a week because he says he's depressed. Here's the story: I met this guy online, and we really hit it off. Unfortunately we live kinda far, about 3 hours from each other. We talked for a good two weeks before we met. We met, had a great weekend, and we did have sex. Afterwards when he left, things were great too. Phone calls kept coming in like normal and everything. He did tell me he is prone to bouts of clinical depression. Even at one point where he got really busy, he did call me to let me know that even though he's been running around, he's still thinking of me and NOT trying to ignore me. And I appreciated that. Communication kept going strong.

I went to visit him a month later. First night everything was cool! I met and hung out with the parents and all his friends and he was happy to see me. Things were great and dandy but later in the weekend... he seemed different. Energy was gone, and at one point he even got the flu. We did not have sex that weekend, although I wanted to, after his energy drain he didn't seem to be into it. Both people have to enjoy it. We talk briefly about what's happening and he says that he still likes me.

Come Monday I leave, I get home and call to say I'm alright. I don't hear from him for a few days, and Wednesday I catch him online for 5 minutes and he's saying he's hit rock bottom. So I still don't hear from him for a while and send him an email Saturday. We talk Monday morning and Tuesday night (via the phone) to discuss this problem. In short he said, " I really like you, not just physically, but also has a human being. If this is too much for you to handle I understand." He's doing everything he can such as medication and therapy. Things at home really blow for him. I also offered to give him space.

Here are some things that ALSO kinda worry me:
a) he never changed his relationship status across his accounts.
b) I don't care about anything else but on the dating site he's even updated the profile, and added new photos.

What gives? We even talked about this once before and he said he'd change it. I don't think I should have to remind him (again) to do so, but at the same time maybe I need to chill out a bit. It's only been 2 months.

My plan is to take a few steps back give him space. What do you think? What's up with this guy? He was a different person when we met! I miss that guy.

VictorM's advice:

The novelty wore off. His desire for new conquests exceeds the desire for you. Guys hate to give the that kind of news to the girl, so they hide, stall, mince words, praise you, etc.

I don't think the depression is at play here because of the profile situation. He's looking to play the cyberspace field.

Give him space, sure, like a planet's worth of it, but don't expect anything to change. Meanwhile, look for a boyfriend who lives close by. Long distance relationships have very low odds of success.

Labels: boyfriend, girlfriend, long distance relationship