sue, 46, from england asks:

Hi, I contacted you in August about my relationship. In case you don't remember me, I have been in this relationship for 16 yrs with an older man. He told me his wife had died of cancer. He sat down and cried about her death and how he had to bring is children up on his own. I have since found out his wife is alive and well. He keeps promising to get a divorce but it never happens. I have no money of my own and i haven't been out any where except to do the shopping not even on birthdays. When i ask him he just gets in a temper. He used to hit me so I am frightened of his temper. I am so unhappy but I am scared I can't make it on my own. Anyway, I took your advice and eventually persuaded my partner to let me do a course. I thought I could make friends and learn a skill so I could support myself. The first day I was terrified because I hadn't been out for so long but I enjoyed it. Now though my partner has joined the same course. The thing is as soon as he started working with a woman on the course he just ignored me, he just walked past me has if I didn't exist. I was so hurt. When I asked him he got into a temper and said all I wanted was a row. I should have expected it. When he is working I sometimes sit in the car to wait for him. If it is a woman he his working for and they ask about me he tells them I am just someone he is giving a lift to. Please advice me.

VictorM's advice:

Well, Sue, if you can't find a way to support yourself and can't break away from this abusive man, there's nothing I, or anyone for that matter, can do. And it's a shame too because the older you get the harder it will be. But unless it comes from you, nothing good will happen.

I applaud you for taking the course. As you can see, it can be done. When you conquer your fears good things can happen to you. Next, try getting a job, anything to support you.

But let's be real, are you really determined to walk away from this guy? I know you talk about it, but deep down inside, maybe you don't want to. He's a good excuse for everything bad that happens to you.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend