andrea, 39, from central new jersey asks:

A co-worker has peeked my interest. As I say it, I think, shit where you eat? But I've been peeked so I will continue. The good thing is we don't have a lot of contact at work. We've hung out socially with other friends and he has a great sense of humor (as I do) and he really makes me laugh a lot. He is a laid back country guy and I am a Latina city girl who moved to the country. I don't have a problem being aggressive so rather than sit around trying to de-code his intentions (he flirts but he's not smooth) I decided to invite him over for dinner sat night. He said yes, he complimented me when he got there, we had great conversation, because I've come off as "tough" to quote him, I tried to be a little softer and more receptive, so I sat next to him on the couch which he responded to by being a little touchy. I wasn't sure how I felt about this since I hadn't even kissed him yet so I grabbed his hand and said, I'm not sure how to process this so could you chill out a little. Needless to say, he probably got shrinkage at that point and after a few movies (he stayed 8 hours and I wasn't irritated by it, which is a good sign.) He said he was leaving, I felt a little anxious that we hadn't kissed and he sort of started to sprint out the door, so I walked him to the door and then found myself at his car door where I leaned in and gave him a peck on the lips and said good night. During the evening he expressed how he liked aggressive women and he liked them to take the lead, he did not like rejection so I think to myself, lazy, insecure or is it a case of "he's got no game what so ever!" He left something behind but I had my doubts that he would call on Sunday (he lives near me) He came to my office and commented that he left something behind and I said, it's there when you want it. Spoke to him briefly, work related issues. Lots of eye contact. My question: Being from the city and doing most of my dating there, the men are much more direct and aggressive, could a country boy (he's 46) be so petrified of rejection or be so insecure (scary) that he can't step up his game? Please advise.

VictorM's advice:

Yeah, maybe it has something to do with the country boy thing, but really, who likes to be rejected? Your comment about him touching you might make him even more timid now. You may have to take the lead a little bit until he regains his confidence with you.

As for him not having game, well, that may be a problem if you're a player, but if you're looking for something steady, wouldn't it be a plus? Maybe you're too used to having to play that you're overlooking that he just likes you and is not into games.

Just let him be himself and you do what you do. Latinas aren't exactly the type that a lot of guys can handle, but oh lord, we know that you're the spice of life (sorry, all others, but that's a fact!) :) Give him a chance to find that out and the games may start where it really counts (need I say anything else?) ;)


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend