Sarah, 21, from Australia asks:

Hi Victor,

A little while ago I developed feelings for a guy friend of mine. I asked him out, and we went out once (nothing physical happened though), but then he told me he was going through a tough time with family stuff and was really stressed with uni work, so he couldn't be in a relationship right now. We've stayed friends, and things haven't been awkward, but what I find strange is that although we get along same as ever when we're alone, both of us are hesitant to approach/talk to each other when we're around our other friends. I know that I'm doing it because I don't want them to know how I feel about him, and I don't want him to think I'm being pushy, but I don't know what to make of his behaviour. Any thoughts?

VictorM's advice:

Basically, he doesn't exactly know how to act with you around in a way that doesn't give you or your friends the wrong impression. I also think his problem is that he's not into you romantically. The family and university issues are just excuses to let you down without hurting your feelings. So now, if he acts to chummy with you, he's afraid he's sending you the wrong message; if he acts distant he's afraid they'll think he's mad at you. There doesn't seem to be that relaxed interchange between you two since that one date.

So, what to do to change that? If you agree with me and accept that he's not into you, and you can deal with that, tell him you understand that him being friendly will not be misunderstood. That may free him to be himself again. But... I wouldn't bet on it. You may just have to come to accept that your relationship has forever changed. Like toothpaste... once out you can't put it back in.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend