Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Date Rape
Liam, 15
Florida
I understand date rape, but I have recently heard of cases where the couple engaged in sex and after, the female decided she didn't want to and filed a charge of date rape. Exactly where do they draw the line?
Lee's Thoughts:
My scary answer to this is...anything is possible. People are wrongly accused of all sorts of crimes every day. Date rape is extremely difficult to prove or disprove. This is reason #423 to be sure you are (both) adults, in an adult mindset, and not under the influence of drugs and alcohol when you partake in sex.
First, check the laws in your state to find out what they consider "age of consent". In Alabama, Mississippi and South Carolina, the age of consent is 16. In Colorado and New York, 17. In California and North Dakota, 18. No, I'm not that smart. Check out the Answer Board on www.sexlaws.org.
Another point to ponder..."Coercion". Coercion, even without the use of physical threats or violence, in order to get someone to give you consent invalidates that consent. So, even verbal pressuring can be classified as "date rape".
Here are some more tips to help you avoid a potential date rape situation:
1. If you are getting a double message, speak up and clarify what she wants.
2. If you find yourself in a situation with a female who is unsure about having sex or is saying "no," back off. Suggest talking about it.
3. Do not assume you know what your partner wants. Check out your assumptions.
4. Be sensitive to females who are unsure whether they want to have sex. If you put pressure on them, you may be forcing them.
5. Do not assume you both want the same degree of intimacy.
6. She may be interested in some sexual contact other than intercourse. There may be several kinds of sexual activity you might mutually agree to share.
7. Stay in touch with your sexual desires. Ask yourself if you are really hearing what she wants.
8. Do not let your desires control your actions.
9. Communicate your sexual desires honestly and as early as possible. Your desires may be beyond your control, but your actions are within your control. Sexual excitement does not justify forced sex.
10. Do not assume her desire for affection is the same as a desire for intercourse.
11. Not having sex or not "scoring" does not mean you are not a "real man."
12. It is OK not to "score." A female who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you as a person. She is expressing her decision not to participate in a single act at that time.
13. No one asks to be raped. No matter how she behaves, she does not deserve to have her body used in ways she does not want.
14. "No" means no. If you do not accept a female's "no," you might risk raping someone you thought meant "yes."
15. Taking sexual advantage of a person mentally or physically incapable of giving consent is rape. If a female has had too much to drink, has passed out, or is not in control of herself, having sex with her is rape.
16. The fact that you were intoxicated is not a legal defense. You are responsible for your actions, whether you are sober or not. Stay sober for yourselves.
17. Be aware that a man's size and physical presence can be intimidating. Many victims report that the fear they felt based on the man's size and presence was the reason they did not fight back or struggle.
Essentially, be mature. Choose a mature woman. And don't put yourself in a situation where anyone can accuse you of something you didn't do.
Florida
I understand date rape, but I have recently heard of cases where the couple engaged in sex and after, the female decided she didn't want to and filed a charge of date rape. Exactly where do they draw the line?
Lee's Thoughts:
My scary answer to this is...anything is possible. People are wrongly accused of all sorts of crimes every day. Date rape is extremely difficult to prove or disprove. This is reason #423 to be sure you are (both) adults, in an adult mindset, and not under the influence of drugs and alcohol when you partake in sex.
First, check the laws in your state to find out what they consider "age of consent". In Alabama, Mississippi and South Carolina, the age of consent is 16. In Colorado and New York, 17. In California and North Dakota, 18. No, I'm not that smart. Check out the Answer Board on www.sexlaws.org.
Another point to ponder..."Coercion". Coercion, even without the use of physical threats or violence, in order to get someone to give you consent invalidates that consent. So, even verbal pressuring can be classified as "date rape".
Here are some more tips to help you avoid a potential date rape situation:
1. If you are getting a double message, speak up and clarify what she wants.
2. If you find yourself in a situation with a female who is unsure about having sex or is saying "no," back off. Suggest talking about it.
3. Do not assume you know what your partner wants. Check out your assumptions.
4. Be sensitive to females who are unsure whether they want to have sex. If you put pressure on them, you may be forcing them.
5. Do not assume you both want the same degree of intimacy.
6. She may be interested in some sexual contact other than intercourse. There may be several kinds of sexual activity you might mutually agree to share.
7. Stay in touch with your sexual desires. Ask yourself if you are really hearing what she wants.
8. Do not let your desires control your actions.
9. Communicate your sexual desires honestly and as early as possible. Your desires may be beyond your control, but your actions are within your control. Sexual excitement does not justify forced sex.
10. Do not assume her desire for affection is the same as a desire for intercourse.
11. Not having sex or not "scoring" does not mean you are not a "real man."
12. It is OK not to "score." A female who turns you down for sex is not necessarily rejecting you as a person. She is expressing her decision not to participate in a single act at that time.
13. No one asks to be raped. No matter how she behaves, she does not deserve to have her body used in ways she does not want.
14. "No" means no. If you do not accept a female's "no," you might risk raping someone you thought meant "yes."
15. Taking sexual advantage of a person mentally or physically incapable of giving consent is rape. If a female has had too much to drink, has passed out, or is not in control of herself, having sex with her is rape.
16. The fact that you were intoxicated is not a legal defense. You are responsible for your actions, whether you are sober or not. Stay sober for yourselves.
17. Be aware that a man's size and physical presence can be intimidating. Many victims report that the fear they felt based on the man's size and presence was the reason they did not fight back or struggle.
Essentially, be mature. Choose a mature woman. And don't put yourself in a situation where anyone can accuse you of something you didn't do.
