|
Our discussion forum is open for business. Come say hello. |
Friday, September 29, 2006
His house is messy
Kate, 24, from Australia asks:
A guy I met through mutual friends began to visit me and he stays over occasionally. He said that I can't visit his home yet because it is messy and we don't socialise other than him hanging out at my place. He said that he wants to wait to have sex because if he gets to know me better it will mean more. He also said that he wants to visit me more but doesn't want this to register subconsciously, due to the whole "starting a relationship thing." I told him I didn't expect anything, just enjoyed his company (a mistake I think). At times he can be very thoughtful, generous, affectionate and complimentary and we talk for hours, but at other times he can be quite cold, bringing up my past relationships and judging my choices. He stayed three nights last weekend and I pampered him, but then I'm lucky to get a few texts during the week. Sometimes when he visits to stay over he arrives at 10.00pm at night after he has had drinks with his friends and says he's been looking forward to seeing me all day. During the weekend one of his best friends (also an acquaintance of mine) rang him to ask him what he was doing and he said "not much." His friends knew we were hanging out prior to a tiff we had a week ago because I hadn't returned a few of his texts as I was busy hanging out with one of my guy friends and he got jealous. To cut a long story short we seem to be in limbo. Is this guy just not into me, or should I give him time?
VictorM's advice:
I don't know Kate. Seems to me you're going out of your way to ignore blatant red flags. Let's see... he comes when he pleases. He doesn't bother to clean his house for you. You're not even in a relationship but he judges your choices and gets jealous.
You know, he was right when he told his friend he wasn't doing much. After all, he was just with you. If that doesn't answer your question about him not being into you, nothing will.
Exactly what would you give him more time for? Since you are such a passive mat for him to walk over, the only thing likely to happen with time is he'll question you more often and his jealousy will grow.
Tell him to fuck off. Then spend more time with your friends.
Ahhh... I know, you won't do it because... he can be so charming sometimes. Grrrrrr...
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
A guy I met through mutual friends began to visit me and he stays over occasionally. He said that I can't visit his home yet because it is messy and we don't socialise other than him hanging out at my place. He said that he wants to wait to have sex because if he gets to know me better it will mean more. He also said that he wants to visit me more but doesn't want this to register subconsciously, due to the whole "starting a relationship thing." I told him I didn't expect anything, just enjoyed his company (a mistake I think). At times he can be very thoughtful, generous, affectionate and complimentary and we talk for hours, but at other times he can be quite cold, bringing up my past relationships and judging my choices. He stayed three nights last weekend and I pampered him, but then I'm lucky to get a few texts during the week. Sometimes when he visits to stay over he arrives at 10.00pm at night after he has had drinks with his friends and says he's been looking forward to seeing me all day. During the weekend one of his best friends (also an acquaintance of mine) rang him to ask him what he was doing and he said "not much." His friends knew we were hanging out prior to a tiff we had a week ago because I hadn't returned a few of his texts as I was busy hanging out with one of my guy friends and he got jealous. To cut a long story short we seem to be in limbo. Is this guy just not into me, or should I give him time?
VictorM's advice:
I don't know Kate. Seems to me you're going out of your way to ignore blatant red flags. Let's see... he comes when he pleases. He doesn't bother to clean his house for you. You're not even in a relationship but he judges your choices and gets jealous.
You know, he was right when he told his friend he wasn't doing much. After all, he was just with you. If that doesn't answer your question about him not being into you, nothing will.
Exactly what would you give him more time for? Since you are such a passive mat for him to walk over, the only thing likely to happen with time is he'll question you more often and his jealousy will grow.
Tell him to fuck off. Then spend more time with your friends.
Ahhh... I know, you won't do it because... he can be so charming sometimes. Grrrrrr...
Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend
Comments:
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
Hi Kate,
I think you are doing what most guys hate, over analyzing situations and trying to define your relationship. Guys hate it when a girl thinks too much about a relationship. I think you are putting way too much thought into how this guy affects your life. Why not keep doing what you have always been doing and slowly include him in your life rather than making him your life already. It's unnecessary to stress out about this situation. If it doesn't work out, you can go out and meet another guy.
Cheers,
Napoleon Will's blog
Feel free to email with questions or comments.
Post a Comment
I think you are doing what most guys hate, over analyzing situations and trying to define your relationship. Guys hate it when a girl thinks too much about a relationship. I think you are putting way too much thought into how this guy affects your life. Why not keep doing what you have always been doing and slowly include him in your life rather than making him your life already. It's unnecessary to stress out about this situation. If it doesn't work out, you can go out and meet another guy.
Cheers,
Napoleon Will's blog
Feel free to email with questions or comments.
You are not on Ask A Real Guy's Home Page.
Click here to return to Ask A Real Guy's home page where you can submit your own question or read the most recent Questions+Answers.
