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Saturday, September 16, 2006
Fatal Things to Say to Your Pregnant Wife
“I finished the Oreos.”
“Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs forty pounds.”
“Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess Pamela Lee had two kids!!”
“I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!”
“Well, couldn’t they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.”
“Darned if you ain’t about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.”
“Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that’s gotta hurt.”
“Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Williard Scott!”
“Are your ankles supposed to look like that?”
“Get your own ice cream.”
“Geez, you’re awfully puffy looking today.”
“Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!”
“Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water.”
And the one Fatal Thing to NEVER, EVER, Say to Your Pregnant Wife......
“You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger!”
“Not to imply anything, but I don’t think the kid weighs forty pounds.”
“Y’know, looking at her, you’d never guess Pamela Lee had two kids!!”
“I sure hope your thighs aren’t gonna stay that flabby forever!”
“Well, couldn’t they induce labor? The 25th is the Super Bowl.”
“Darned if you ain’t about five pounds away from a surprise visit from that Richard Simmons fella.”
“Fred at the office passed a stone the size of a pea. Boy, that’s gotta hurt.”
“Whoa! For a minute there, I thought I woke up next to Williard Scott!”
“Are your ankles supposed to look like that?”
“Get your own ice cream.”
“Geez, you’re awfully puffy looking today.”
“Man! That rose tattoo on your hip is the size of Madagascar!”
“Retaining water? Yeah, like the Hoover Dam retains water.”
And the one Fatal Thing to NEVER, EVER, Say to Your Pregnant Wife......
“You don’t have the guts to pull the trigger!”
Labels: one liner joke, stupid men joke, wife joke
Comments:
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Absolutely. I remember after I gave birth I was still reeling from the hormones for a few weeks. Mood swings galore. And my poor husband who was exhausted with dealing with the hormone-related fits asked me, "I thought we were done with the hormones?" To which I furiously replied, "WE!!! WE aren't done with the hormones. WE never had hormones, I had hormones. In order to be a WE--YOU would have to go through with them!" This conversation probably took place right after we both said I love you with cutesy hugs and kisses while admiring our daughter.
My poor husband, I'm so grateful he decided to stay married to me after the psycho-preggo lady left =)
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My poor husband, I'm so grateful he decided to stay married to me after the psycho-preggo lady left =)
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