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Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Christians and Divorce
BUT BABE, I'M A BRAND NEW GUY
Dear Professor Theophilus:
I have a question that admittedly concerns my love life — I know you don't like that kind of question — though it has brought up questions about my faith. I've been seeing a man for several months, whom I met through a mutual friend. He's a great guy who regularly attends church and shares most of my beliefs. However, many of my friends have advised me not to see him any more because of things they discovered about his past.They haven't met him yet, but they've found out is that he has a daughter from a previous marriage and was partially, if not mostly to blame for the divorce (he wasn't physically unfaithful, but "emotionally unfaithful"). With me, he was upfront about all this from the beginning. After the divorce — about a year ago — he recommitted his life to Christ. My friends don't believe he could change, and I realize I sound like a dumb and desperate woman claiming that he has. But if I can't believe God has changed his life, what does that say about my belief in the power of God? It seems like my friends are saying that once someone has sinned, he's irreparably messed up. Of course, in theory, they deny this — but, well, it just seems that they are being unfair to this guy by not considering who he is now.
I know that they only have my best interests at heart, but I'm so confused. What do you think? Am I searching for the answer I want to hear instead of searching for the truth? Am I being unfair to ask my friends to reconsider the guy once they meet him? Does God still change lives dramatically? And how can you tell when such a change is for real?
Reply:
My dear, here is how to know whether the man has really changed. If he stops dating you and returns to the wife and daughter whom he has betrayed, then he has. If he doesn't, he hasn't. This isn't about whether he's a great guy, because whatever greatness there may be in him is pledged to his wife, not to you. Don't you know what he promised her? "Until we are parted by death." And don't you know what Jesus taught? "What God has joined together, let no man separate." That means no woman either.
Grace and peace, PROFESSOR THEOPHILUS
Wow. Christians can't/shouldn't divorce and if they do they are persona non grata to other Christians? I was surprised by the answer. Is this so?
There's an amazing set of assumptions made by this guy: 1) that the first marriage was joined by God. Maybe it wasn't. 2) That the wife wants him back. Maybe she doesn't. And if that's so, what then?
I'm also curious what she meant by he was "emotionally unfaithful" to his wife.
I don't meant to turn this into a religious discussion, I was more interested in the feedback about dating divorced men, this Q&A being just one opinion.
Tags: dating, singles
I'm divorced. My wife left me to "play the field". I could've stayed married if I'd have gone along with her idea to have an "open marriage". Would that have been the Christian thing to do?
Don't get me wrong, I'm not anti-Christian; in fact, I am a Christian myself. But it's that kind of bizarre, twisted thinking that keeps my friend from being a Baptist preacher (his first wife left him).
Or, maybe I'm just more tolerant than my fellow conservatives. But we don't always get to choose our life circumstances; all we can do is make the best of the cards we're dealt.
My husband was young and stupid in his first marriage, and really never should have gotten married. But he did and became Christian during the marriage. He worked for YEARS trying to heal a relationship that the chick DID NOT want to work on. What should he have done--stayed in a marriage where the other one doesn't want to be there? Absolutely not.
This professor is wacko. Very mislead. Although there are still some Christian thinkers that think once divorced--ban them from church leadership and future marriages. It's ridiculous thinking. Where is God's forgiveness in THAT scenario? If God forgives murders, why wouldn't He forgive someone who made a mistake in who they married?
The professor quotes the Bible: "What God has joined together, let no man separate."
Seems pretty clear to me that means no divorves unless you have another Bible quote that lets you off the hook. Do you?
You must read the context of the verse, not ONLY the verse.
Matthew 19 is when the pharisees were asking Jesus, trying to "trick" him into speaking of divorce. They asked him if it was lawful for a man to divorce his wife for ANY reason? And Jesus quoted to them, "...Have you not read where God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and join to his wife and the two shall become one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together let no man separate." It then goes on to say that Moses, after receiving the Law from God, allowed for divorce due to the "hardness of your hearts, but from the beginning it was not so." God does not command divorce but it is permitted in the cases of a) sexual immorality and b) hardness of hearts. If the offended party is not willing to reconcile (forgive, accept the repentance and move on) or if the offending party acts the same, God permits divorce. But it is ALWAYS God's wish for a couple to forgive each other and start anew.
God does not permit divorce due to "We're just not compatible" or "I don't love him anymore" or "It just wasn't working out". In these cases, you can get a divorce legally, but in God's eyes, you are not divorced and would therefor committ "adultery" by marrying again.
Scott
System-Admin of the hottest singles site on the Internet
http://www.allaboutsingles.com
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