Archie, 48
New Hampshire
Asks:

I have been friends with a women who is 25. I work with her. We have played tennis a few times gone out to eat lunch, little things like that. I do like her, but I have kept it to a friendship type thing because of the age difference. Now, out of the blue, she seems to be mad at me. I have never shown anger, I don't think I have said anything to hurt her. Do you think she expected more or does she just want me to leave her alone.

Lee's Thoughts:

Archie...welcome to the wonderful world of *interpreting the female mood swing*. It can be ridiculously annoying at times, but well worth it in the end (if you're with the right gal).

I'm not sure how she has expressed this displeasure, but "mad" can mean a wide range of things, some of which have nothing to do with anger and some of which have nothing even to do with YOU. Yes, it's true...I'm giving out female secrets...women can be "mad" or upset or ticked or quiet or bitchy or pissy and you could have done NOTHING WRONG. Sometimes it really is ALL IN OUR HEADS. (Sorry to let the cat out of the bag ladies...but he needs to know).

First off, a few things for you to think about...Why would you spend time with her if you didn't want the relationship to go any deeper then a friendship? Did you really think that was possible? If so, did you make this perfectly clear to her in the beginning? You want only a platonic friendship and nothing more. Did your actions back up your words?

Without knowing the details, here are few possibilities:

a) She may just simply be done hanging out with you. It could be as simple as that and you are reading too much into it. She got to know you and decided she didn't want to know any more. It's nobody's fault, just life. In this case, yeah you have to leave her alone.

b) She started developing deeper feelings for you, but knew that you didn't want to take it any further, so her feelings are hurt and she's withdrawing a bit. It sucks when someone you like, likes you less. You just have to be nice and realize that a friendship may not be possible any time soon if this is the case.

c) Something completely unrelated to you or your relationship is upsetting her, either home, work, church, or family. She could be stressing about something and not feel comfortable bringing it up with you. As I've said here before, women WORRY A LOT. They internalize every stress and every conflict and ponder it and evaluate it TO DEATH. So it may be very possible that she simply has other things on her mind.

Essentially, you need to talk to her and find out what the problem is, so you'll be able to decide your future actions. You need to find out if it does have to do with you and if there is anything you can do to fix it. Either you will have an opportunity to help her out and be a better friend, or you will have to leave her alone to get over you.

In the future, you just have to be sure that the women you hang out with know your expectations and you know theirs. Expectation is what leads to hurt hearts. Also, try not to start things that you know won't have a future. With this gal, 25 years old AND a co-worker...you already had two strikes against you.