Rebecca, 20, from South Africa asks:

Dear VictorArgh! I haven't had internet access and it's been driving me crazy not to be able to ask you about this! Well, here goes...I called him, he didn't answer. I left a message asking him to get back to me, and he did call back and apologised profusely for not getting back to me. Then after another arrangement which we both cancelled for different reasons, eventually he contacted me and said he'd like to take me out for coffee because he'd been so bad about messing me around (I gather there was a lot of stuff going on in his life). So we went on Saturday, had a really nice time...we had a lot to talk about, we make each other laugh and it wasn't awkward or anything. He also thanked me several times for actually meeting him after he'd been so bad about getting back to me. My problem is that while I think it went well, I'm still not sure if he actually thought it was a date or just a friendly thing. I feel like he should know that I like him, because my asking him out for coffee was pretty out of the blue, but I also know that guys are incredibly dense sometimes and my version of obvious can actually be quite subtle. I do really like him and refuse to give up without knowing if there's a chance, so I was thinking, I'd like to ask him if he wants to do something again and then asking him, just out of curiosity, why he thought I suggested it in the first place. Does that sound like a good idea? Do you have any other suggestions? I would really appreciate it!

VictorM's advice:

Hi there Rebecca. I'm glad you're back online. I was starving for news about your mini soap opera story. :)

True, guys can be dense about hints and such, but I doubt that you going out with him didn't register -- I think it did. I really believe you're doing very well and I suggest you keep it sorta friendly for now. If you show too much interest, or even worse, start asking him leading questions, he might feel overwhelmed. I strongly suggest you don't ask him why he thinks you're asking him out. He's no dummy (if he was you wouldn't be after him, I'm sure). I think he's well aware of your interest but he's playing it cool, letting something between you two develop slowly, and frankly, that's the best way to go.

You sound very impatient but think about it this way: if he likes you he's not going to disappear on you; if he's not that much into you, pushing him to go faster isn't going to make him like you. Go easy, go slow.

Make sure you get internet access and keep us posted.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend