Jamie, 25, from New Zealand asks:

I was texting a guy named Carl for 6 months because he wanted to get to know me before meeting, we have a few mutual friends. Then I started dating Damian, a guy I had known for a few years and after 3 weeks he told me he loved me and wanted to be with me forever and it was all too intense, but at the same time he wants to spend a lot of time alone with his friends and is still friends with his ex-girlfriends. Then Carl asked to visit and we clicked and started hanging out (just platonic). I told him I was seeing someone - he seems to know a few girls with boyfriends who also have a soft spot for him, so I'm wondering if he enjoys the flattery while still maintaining his singledom. As for Damian - his actions don't really match what he says. So in a nutshell - what do I do? I don't even know what Carl wants and when I told him I enjoy spending time with him but feel guilty he doesn't really say anything, although on a few occasions he has said he finds me attractive and has told our mutual friends that I am nice. I feel so disloyal because I have feelings for Carl although I have not acted on them and wonder if perhaps I'm not really in to Damian, or maybe the grass always looks greener on the other side? Help!

VictorM's advice:

Carl says you're attractive and you're nice? Well, heck, I'm sure even your own father thinks that about you. That says nothing about Carl being interested in you other than as just another girl in his little black book.

If Damian isn't doing it for you, end the relationship. Whether Carl comes into your life or not that should have nothing to do with Damian not being the one for you.

The grass only looks greener on the other side when it's not green enough on your side.

Is singledom even a word? :)


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend