Thursday, August 31, 2006
I May Have Loved Her
Andy, 16
California
Asks:
I started dating a girl and she came to my house to swim but we never really did much. I asked her out August 24, 2006 and she dumped me August 29, 2006. I don’t know how to get over it but I really liked her and I think I am falling into depression because she said she thinks we make better friends.
Now I have had several girlfriends but this one was different. She and I didn’t actually GO OUT we did more talking and hugging than anything. The thing that disturbs me most is when we were just let out of school and I walked up to her and held her hand for the first time, because I was too embarrassed to do it any other time. We were walking down the hallway and about 3 minutes after I held her hand she said "Andy I need to talk to you" I knew where this was going. I knew she going to dump me right there. Her words were "I think we make better friends".
We are still going to be friends but I actually thought that we were going to last for a couple weeks. I know that we are just in high school. I understand that we aren’t going to get married or anything but why would she say yes to dating me if she new she wasn’t going to for more than 5 days? Why did she lead me on?
I put my arm around her, I told her that I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had seen. I told her that she had a gorgeous smile. I hardly ever talked about myself. Why did she just blow me off like that? Why did she let me hold her and make moves? I mean all we ever did was hug, cuddle, and talk, but still it could have opened a door to a whole new situation. Please if you could give me some good advice I need some. I need someone to tell me what went wrong in our relationship.
I just know that I think I may have loved her. What can you tell me?
Lee's Thoughts:
Andy. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I have to defend your girl...because I did the exact same thing when I was in high school. I started *dating* a guy friend of mine and we would hang out as a group with our other friends, but never WENT OUT. After (literally) five days, I just knew that there was no magic there. I just knew that there was no loving feelings (for my part) that we could build a relationship on. He was perfectly sweet and funny and the greatest guy ever (we are friends to this day and we had a wonderful time together at my *mumble*-year high school reunion) BUT I just wasn't *feeling* it.
It happens. It may happen again and you may be on the other side of it. It doesn't mean that she or you did anything wrong. It just wasn't right and yes it is possible to discover this after only five days. It's actually more of a blessing that you found out so quickly instead of dating and falling deeper and deeper in love and then being crushed even more painfully.
Also, remember that it SUCKS to be the breaker-upper. It SUCKS to be responsible for breaking someone's heart. But, you wouldn't want her to stay with you if she didn't have the same feelings, would you? Sometimes its just easier to distance yourself from that person and make a clean break. So, she's really not trying to be a bitch. She's really just trying to cause you the least amount of pain possible.
Think of it this way, you had to have your heart broken SOMETIME in your life. Right? Aren't you glad it was her?...That she gets to be in your memory and in your life forever as THE first heart-breaker? (Okay, maybe not.)
You don't want someone who doesn't wany you anyway. So, give yourself some time to feel this pain and then move on. There's not much to learn here. Not every girl you like will like you. You just have to deal. It sucks, but we all go through it. More fish in the sea...and all that.
California
Asks:
I started dating a girl and she came to my house to swim but we never really did much. I asked her out August 24, 2006 and she dumped me August 29, 2006. I don’t know how to get over it but I really liked her and I think I am falling into depression because she said she thinks we make better friends.
Now I have had several girlfriends but this one was different. She and I didn’t actually GO OUT we did more talking and hugging than anything. The thing that disturbs me most is when we were just let out of school and I walked up to her and held her hand for the first time, because I was too embarrassed to do it any other time. We were walking down the hallway and about 3 minutes after I held her hand she said "Andy I need to talk to you" I knew where this was going. I knew she going to dump me right there. Her words were "I think we make better friends".
We are still going to be friends but I actually thought that we were going to last for a couple weeks. I know that we are just in high school. I understand that we aren’t going to get married or anything but why would she say yes to dating me if she new she wasn’t going to for more than 5 days? Why did she lead me on?
I put my arm around her, I told her that I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had seen. I told her that she had a gorgeous smile. I hardly ever talked about myself. Why did she just blow me off like that? Why did she let me hold her and make moves? I mean all we ever did was hug, cuddle, and talk, but still it could have opened a door to a whole new situation. Please if you could give me some good advice I need some. I need someone to tell me what went wrong in our relationship.
I just know that I think I may have loved her. What can you tell me?
Lee's Thoughts:
Andy. I'm sorry you had to go through this, but I have to defend your girl...because I did the exact same thing when I was in high school. I started *dating* a guy friend of mine and we would hang out as a group with our other friends, but never WENT OUT. After (literally) five days, I just knew that there was no magic there. I just knew that there was no loving feelings (for my part) that we could build a relationship on. He was perfectly sweet and funny and the greatest guy ever (we are friends to this day and we had a wonderful time together at my *mumble*-year high school reunion) BUT I just wasn't *feeling* it.
It happens. It may happen again and you may be on the other side of it. It doesn't mean that she or you did anything wrong. It just wasn't right and yes it is possible to discover this after only five days. It's actually more of a blessing that you found out so quickly instead of dating and falling deeper and deeper in love and then being crushed even more painfully.
Also, remember that it SUCKS to be the breaker-upper. It SUCKS to be responsible for breaking someone's heart. But, you wouldn't want her to stay with you if she didn't have the same feelings, would you? Sometimes its just easier to distance yourself from that person and make a clean break. So, she's really not trying to be a bitch. She's really just trying to cause you the least amount of pain possible.
Think of it this way, you had to have your heart broken SOMETIME in your life. Right? Aren't you glad it was her?...That she gets to be in your memory and in your life forever as THE first heart-breaker? (Okay, maybe not.)
You don't want someone who doesn't wany you anyway. So, give yourself some time to feel this pain and then move on. There's not much to learn here. Not every girl you like will like you. You just have to deal. It sucks, but we all go through it. More fish in the sea...and all that.
