Friday, August 18, 2006
Asking a Girl Out
James, 14
Maryland
Asks:
I am in a sort of rut when it comes to getting another girlfriend. I have had one in the past. For 4 years I went out with her, but the thing is I never asked her out, or even for that matter, I didn't even break up with her. We were a lot younger, so it was easier to hook up with her. I found out that she had a crush on me and one of her friends asked if I would like to go out with her. I said yes. When we broke up, a friend of her's asked if I loved her anymore. I said no. So as you can see I didn't get the social skills to asking a girl out and breaking up on my own.
So here's my question: How the heck do I ask a girl out, the right way? I have gotten so close, but I couldn't gather the confidence, I am pretty shy. I am asking you because you are a female, you know how a guy should ask a girl out. So please better my situation by telling me what kind of signs a girl gives if she likes you or any other helpful info on relationships. Thank you very much for your service, it is a very helpful site.
Lee's Thoughts:
Well, you already know that *flattery will get you everywhere*, so that is a very good start. Compliments are a great way to tell a girl you like her AND a great way to find out if she likes you. "Did you get a haircut? It looks great!" "I love your shirt." "Those shoes are rockin." or...you can go a little more intimate..."I love your smile." "It's so great to see you." "You were out yesterday...I missed you." All said in a playful way will be subtle sweet compliments without the pressure of an intense moment.
We've all been through those "relationships" that were essentially set up and monitored by every one of his friends and every one of her friends, but in the end had nothing really to do with FEELINGS. It's called grade school. It's a difficult transition from that to actual adult conversations, but mostly...it just takes guts. Once you do it (speak to a girl face to face and actually exhibit some interest) you'll be that much closer to maturity.
First, you want to ask out a girl that you are comfortable with already...a girl that you can see hanging out with AS A BUDDY. Don't ask out the prettiest girl in the class just because she's the prettiest. Ask out a girl who makes you laugh, who gets your jokes, whose life story you want to hear, and who you want to tell yours. That will make the big question much easier. These are also the most basic foundations for a LARGER, more intense relationship, so this is another very good start.
When you find the girl and you're ready to ask...again, keep it simple. Say that you and your friend(s) are going to see Snakes on a Plane this weekend at suchandsuch theater and you'd love it if she would meet you there. That way, there's no pressure on her to show up and no problem if she doesn't (But a great way to see if she's interested). See if she is going to the high school football game and ask her if she would like to get a burger and coke with you beforehand. Football games are great because you will be there *together* without the stress of keeping up a enticing conversation.
Knowing exactly what you will ask her before you approach will calm you down and give you focus. Having to come up with something witty on the spot is nervewracking. You can even rehearse it a few times before you see her. "Hi Kelly. What are you up to this weekend? Would you be interested in seeing the new M.Night Shamalan movie with me (or...a few of us) on Saturday?" The hardest part is simply getting the words out of your mouth. What is the worst that can happen? She'll call you a big dumb idiot and never talk to you again. If she does that, you're MUCH better off without her.
Don't stress. You can do it. If you don't, you'll never go on a date, so its pretty much all in your hands. GOOD LUCK!!!
Maryland
Asks:
I am in a sort of rut when it comes to getting another girlfriend. I have had one in the past. For 4 years I went out with her, but the thing is I never asked her out, or even for that matter, I didn't even break up with her. We were a lot younger, so it was easier to hook up with her. I found out that she had a crush on me and one of her friends asked if I would like to go out with her. I said yes. When we broke up, a friend of her's asked if I loved her anymore. I said no. So as you can see I didn't get the social skills to asking a girl out and breaking up on my own.
So here's my question: How the heck do I ask a girl out, the right way? I have gotten so close, but I couldn't gather the confidence, I am pretty shy. I am asking you because you are a female, you know how a guy should ask a girl out. So please better my situation by telling me what kind of signs a girl gives if she likes you or any other helpful info on relationships. Thank you very much for your service, it is a very helpful site.
Lee's Thoughts:
Well, you already know that *flattery will get you everywhere*, so that is a very good start. Compliments are a great way to tell a girl you like her AND a great way to find out if she likes you. "Did you get a haircut? It looks great!" "I love your shirt." "Those shoes are rockin." or...you can go a little more intimate..."I love your smile." "It's so great to see you." "You were out yesterday...I missed you." All said in a playful way will be subtle sweet compliments without the pressure of an intense moment.
We've all been through those "relationships" that were essentially set up and monitored by every one of his friends and every one of her friends, but in the end had nothing really to do with FEELINGS. It's called grade school. It's a difficult transition from that to actual adult conversations, but mostly...it just takes guts. Once you do it (speak to a girl face to face and actually exhibit some interest) you'll be that much closer to maturity.
First, you want to ask out a girl that you are comfortable with already...a girl that you can see hanging out with AS A BUDDY. Don't ask out the prettiest girl in the class just because she's the prettiest. Ask out a girl who makes you laugh, who gets your jokes, whose life story you want to hear, and who you want to tell yours. That will make the big question much easier. These are also the most basic foundations for a LARGER, more intense relationship, so this is another very good start.
When you find the girl and you're ready to ask...again, keep it simple. Say that you and your friend(s) are going to see Snakes on a Plane this weekend at suchandsuch theater and you'd love it if she would meet you there. That way, there's no pressure on her to show up and no problem if she doesn't (But a great way to see if she's interested). See if she is going to the high school football game and ask her if she would like to get a burger and coke with you beforehand. Football games are great because you will be there *together* without the stress of keeping up a enticing conversation.
Knowing exactly what you will ask her before you approach will calm you down and give you focus. Having to come up with something witty on the spot is nervewracking. You can even rehearse it a few times before you see her. "Hi Kelly. What are you up to this weekend? Would you be interested in seeing the new M.Night Shamalan movie with me (or...a few of us) on Saturday?" The hardest part is simply getting the words out of your mouth. What is the worst that can happen? She'll call you a big dumb idiot and never talk to you again. If she does that, you're MUCH better off without her.
Don't stress. You can do it. If you don't, you'll never go on a date, so its pretty much all in your hands. GOOD LUCK!!!
Comments:
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write it in a note that you like her and wanted to know if she felt the same way! or just be upfront and ask her out! but only do that if you know she likes you!
Hi my name is Andy and I just need some questions answered. I started dating a girl we hugged and she came to my house to swim but we never really did much. I asked her out August 24, 2006 and she dumped me August 29, 2006. I don’t know how to get over it but I really liked her and I think I am falling into depression because she said she thinks we make better friends. Now I have had several girlfriends but this one was diff. she and I didn’t actually GO OUT we did more talking and hugging than anything. The thing that disturbs me most is when we were just let out of school and I walked up to her and held her hand for the first time, because I was too embarrassed to do it any other time. We were walking down the hallway and about 3 minutes after I held her hand she said "Andy I need to talk to you" I new where this was going I knew she going to dump me right there. Her words were "I think we make better friends". We are still going to be friends but i actually thought that we were going to last for a couple weeks; I thought that if we held hands it would better the situation. Now I am only sixteen and I know that we are just in high school. I understand that we aren’t going to get married or anything but why would she say yes to dating me if she new she wasn’t going to for more than 5 days. Why did she lead me on? I put my arm around her, I told her that I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had seen. I told her that she had a gorgeous smile. I hardly ever talked about myself. Why did she just blow me off like that? Why did she let me hold her and make moves? I mean all we ever did was hug, cuddle, and talk, but still it could have opened a door to a whole new situation. Please if you could give me some good advice I need some. I need someone to tell what went wrong in our relationship. All we ever did was talk, and hug each other what actually went wrong. One thing I should just throw out is we began talking at about the last two days of band camp. She put her phone number in my phone book. I gave her a call we talked every night for at least an hour, and she even asked me if I was dating some one. I am not a mean person I have never said anything mean about her. I just know that I think I may have loved her. What can you tell me.
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