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Monday, July 10, 2006
When is it time to date?
Tags: dating, singles
One of the guys I'm dating is a widower. He lost his wife last October and I wonder if he's dating too soon. I've done my best not to bring her up, on the advice of a friend who is a widower herself. Yet when we talk, many things remind him of her. I don't mind that he needs someone to talk to about her. But by the same token, I'm not really interested in being someone's therapist.
So when is it time to date when you've lost your significant other? My uncle is on wife number 4. His first wife died 2 weeks after they married in a tragic accident. He divorced his second wife, and his third wife died from a terminal illness. He started dating a few months after wife number 3 died and was remarried in less than a year. While his former in-laws were appalled, I wonder that he'd spent so much time taking care of her, and that towards the end she wasn't there mentally anymore anyways.
I don't think there really is a time when it's right to start dating again. Even dating too early isn't a problem as long as both parties realize that it potentially is too early. Let's face it, someone has to be the first date. When you're a widower, no one's going to live up to your former spouse. But it doesn't mean you can't be happy again.
One of the guys I'm dating is a widower. He lost his wife last October and I wonder if he's dating too soon. I've done my best not to bring her up, on the advice of a friend who is a widower herself. Yet when we talk, many things remind him of her. I don't mind that he needs someone to talk to about her. But by the same token, I'm not really interested in being someone's therapist.
So when is it time to date when you've lost your significant other? My uncle is on wife number 4. His first wife died 2 weeks after they married in a tragic accident. He divorced his second wife, and his third wife died from a terminal illness. He started dating a few months after wife number 3 died and was remarried in less than a year. While his former in-laws were appalled, I wonder that he'd spent so much time taking care of her, and that towards the end she wasn't there mentally anymore anyways.
I don't think there really is a time when it's right to start dating again. Even dating too early isn't a problem as long as both parties realize that it potentially is too early. Let's face it, someone has to be the first date. When you're a widower, no one's going to live up to your former spouse. But it doesn't mean you can't be happy again.
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He may be dating too soon, but he needs to get on with his life as well. Being a widower is never easy I'm sure. They'd feel desperatly lonely and want to be with someone who loves them. I'm sure this guy your dating knwos that you aren't his late spouse, but you are someone. You are a friend. Youa re a sign that he is getting on with his life.
There's no point in moping around forever. And who's to say that a week, a month, a year or ten years isn't too soon?
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There's no point in moping around forever. And who's to say that a week, a month, a year or ten years isn't too soon?
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