Monday, July 10, 2006
Those Sexy Urges
Becca, 14
Asks:
My boyfriend is almost 16 and has had sex 6 times. When I was younger, I decided to wait until I was 18 to have sex. I am scared to have sex, but I keep getting these urges that make me just wanna forget my whole wait till I'm 18 thing and just do it. What should I do? (Should I have sex or not have sex and if I don't have sex how do I get rid of these urges?)
Lee's Thoughts:
DO NOT have sex with this man-whore you call a boyfriend. He's fifteen and has had sex six times? I assume with six different girls? Ick. I wouldn't let him near me, especially if he hasn't been tested for any and all sexually transmitted diseases (which he probably hasn't). The kind of girls that would give it up to a horny kid like that probably aren't the most pure. (How long have you been dating him?)
It is very commendable that you decided to wait until you are eighteen, a very wise decision. A lot of wisdom comes with turning eighteen, so I would definitely shoot for it if I were you (Wait! I WAS you...and I DID wait, actually until I was a little bit older then eighteen, but I digress).
Of course you have urges. That is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You're sixteen! You are SWIMMING in hormones right now. However, that does not mean you have partake in clumsy bumbling teenage grinding and give the PRECIOUS GIFT that is your virginity to any pimply faced kid with a hard weiner. I promise, teenage sex is not as good as adult sex, especially for the girl...those boys have no idea what they're doing.
(P.S. BLUE BALLS IS A BULLSHIT MYTH...DON'T FALL FOR IT)
SO! Regarding urges...take care of them YOURSELF. THIS is what you should be focusing on right now. You have urges. Now is the time to learn how to satisfy them and this should NOT involve a boy. You can take yourself to orgasmic heights in the safety and comfort of your own dark and quite bed. Again, this is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I regard it as an extremely important element of the passage into womanhood. It is empowering to be in charge of your own body. You need to find out what feels good and do it, take charge of it, P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E.Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F. Put on the song "Icicle" by Tori Amos, light a candle and let your hands do some exploring. Find out what you feel like "down there". Maybe even bust out a hand-held mirror and see what it looks like. It's your body. It's you. You should know what's going on down there and how it works.
Your relationship with you (sexually, emotionally, mentally, and otherwise) is the MOST important relationship you will ever have. You are not a kid anymore (thank goodness). You need to start acting like an adult. Look out for yourself, take care of yourself, make the good decisions. This is an opportunity to do something that is healthy and empowering and educational and FUN for yourself instead of making the wrong decision and having sex too early with someone you won't even know in three years. You have the rest of your life to have sex with a REAL MAN (after you turn 18) who actually CARES ABOUT YOU and knows what he's doing. Don't worry about your boyfriend. He'll survive. Worry about yourself. Take this step into womanhood independently, with your head held high and strong. GO GIRL!
Asks:
My boyfriend is almost 16 and has had sex 6 times. When I was younger, I decided to wait until I was 18 to have sex. I am scared to have sex, but I keep getting these urges that make me just wanna forget my whole wait till I'm 18 thing and just do it. What should I do? (Should I have sex or not have sex and if I don't have sex how do I get rid of these urges?)
Lee's Thoughts:
DO NOT have sex with this man-whore you call a boyfriend. He's fifteen and has had sex six times? I assume with six different girls? Ick. I wouldn't let him near me, especially if he hasn't been tested for any and all sexually transmitted diseases (which he probably hasn't). The kind of girls that would give it up to a horny kid like that probably aren't the most pure. (How long have you been dating him?)
It is very commendable that you decided to wait until you are eighteen, a very wise decision. A lot of wisdom comes with turning eighteen, so I would definitely shoot for it if I were you (Wait! I WAS you...and I DID wait, actually until I was a little bit older then eighteen, but I digress).
Of course you have urges. That is NOTHING to be ashamed of. You're sixteen! You are SWIMMING in hormones right now. However, that does not mean you have partake in clumsy bumbling teenage grinding and give the PRECIOUS GIFT that is your virginity to any pimply faced kid with a hard weiner. I promise, teenage sex is not as good as adult sex, especially for the girl...those boys have no idea what they're doing.
(P.S. BLUE BALLS IS A BULLSHIT MYTH...DON'T FALL FOR IT)
SO! Regarding urges...take care of them YOURSELF. THIS is what you should be focusing on right now. You have urges. Now is the time to learn how to satisfy them and this should NOT involve a boy. You can take yourself to orgasmic heights in the safety and comfort of your own dark and quite bed. Again, this is nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, I regard it as an extremely important element of the passage into womanhood. It is empowering to be in charge of your own body. You need to find out what feels good and do it, take charge of it, P.L.E.A.S.U.R.E.Y.O.U.R.S.E.L.F. Put on the song "Icicle" by Tori Amos, light a candle and let your hands do some exploring. Find out what you feel like "down there". Maybe even bust out a hand-held mirror and see what it looks like. It's your body. It's you. You should know what's going on down there and how it works.
Your relationship with you (sexually, emotionally, mentally, and otherwise) is the MOST important relationship you will ever have. You are not a kid anymore (thank goodness). You need to start acting like an adult. Look out for yourself, take care of yourself, make the good decisions. This is an opportunity to do something that is healthy and empowering and educational and FUN for yourself instead of making the wrong decision and having sex too early with someone you won't even know in three years. You have the rest of your life to have sex with a REAL MAN (after you turn 18) who actually CARES ABOUT YOU and knows what he's doing. Don't worry about your boyfriend. He'll survive. Worry about yourself. Take this step into womanhood independently, with your head held high and strong. GO GIRL!
Comments:
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Well since your going to wait till your 18, why not just follow the bible and wait till your married?
SOME PEOPLE DON'T GET MARRIED.
That doesn't mean they should miss out on one of life's great experiences. Why not just follow the Koran? Or the Torah? Or Buddhim?
That doesn't mean they should miss out on one of life's great experiences. Why not just follow the Koran? Or the Torah? Or Buddhim?
Here we go again, Lee. If you follow the bible, are Christian and LOVE Jesus then you wait. It's a secular attitude that places the priority of having sex above the priority of being true to the Word of God. So, yes for a Christian, no marriage = NO SEX!!!
And I don't understand your thinking to follow the Torah or the Koran. What does that have to do with it?
And I don't understand your thinking to follow the Torah or the Koran. What does that have to do with it?
Tiffany suggested following the bible. I suggested some other options.
Also, it just annoys the crap out of me that some people assume that EVERYONE WILL GET MARRIED at some point in their life, so its no big deal to wait until you get married. I don't think life should revolve around finding someone to marry.
And yes, yes I get it...Christians wait until marriage...that's great. Yet another reason I'm not one.
Also, it just annoys the crap out of me that some people assume that EVERYONE WILL GET MARRIED at some point in their life, so its no big deal to wait until you get married. I don't think life should revolve around finding someone to marry.
And yes, yes I get it...Christians wait until marriage...that's great. Yet another reason I'm not one.
Wow, to give up the blessings of Christ for sex--for the ability to have it when not married...a meaningless trade.
Life doesn't revolve around finding someone to marry--your sex life does. And if sex is THAT important to you...I wonder what is really missing in your life. I mean, sex is great--but it's not my entire life. If something happened and I wouldn't be able to have sex, my life would go on. It seems like you put ALOT of emphasis on sex where that emphasis can be placed in alot more productive areas.
Life doesn't revolve around finding someone to marry--your sex life does. And if sex is THAT important to you...I wonder what is really missing in your life. I mean, sex is great--but it's not my entire life. If something happened and I wouldn't be able to have sex, my life would go on. It seems like you put ALOT of emphasis on sex where that emphasis can be placed in alot more productive areas.
I didn't say sex was the only reason I'm not Christian...just one of the many reasons.
And yes, I see sex (with the right person) as an intense and spiritual and mind expanding experience.
I'm putting emphasis on it right now, because that is the subject at hand. To-do or not do it. I say do it. I say, its important enough to DO, yes.
Now, HOW important is it?? Well, I'll have to think about that one, but it sure does rank up there.
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And yes, I see sex (with the right person) as an intense and spiritual and mind expanding experience.
I'm putting emphasis on it right now, because that is the subject at hand. To-do or not do it. I say do it. I say, its important enough to DO, yes.
Now, HOW important is it?? Well, I'll have to think about that one, but it sure does rank up there.
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