Cristina, 14
Florida
Asks:

What do I do when I feel like no guy is attracted to me because I don't have the perfect body that every guy dreams of?? Why do I feel like no guy likes me and that I'll never get a boyfriend?

Lee's Thoughts:

First of all, you feel like that because you are 14. Your hormones are on a rampage to make you into a woman. They are changing your body and they are also screwing around with your mind. You are starting to be interested in boys, but you also get to experience the adventure that is self-evaluation and self-doubt and comparing yourself to other girls to determine if you are "normal". It sucks.. and every one of your girlfriends is going through it, whether you can see it or not.

Secondly, you have no idea if there is a guy that may be attracted to you. You are probably just entering high school, right? Guys are as intimidated by girls as girls are by them. Out of all of the guys in your school, I'm sure there is at least one who has noticed you, but is just too scared to talk to you.

But, to answer your question, you probably feel like no guy is attracted to you, because YOU don't like your body...and that's your biggest problem. I have no idea what you look like. If you are overweight, do something about it. Go for a long walk every night before dinner. Cut out sodas and chips and candy bars. Drink a ton of water every day. Carry trail mix with you so never become starving. Get a yoga video tape and start stretching/breathing/strengthening your body.

If you're not overweight, and by not having the perfect body you're referring to boobs or long legs or shiny hair...well, you just have to deal with it. Everyone is different. If you are going to go around hating your body because its different, you are going to have a miserable life.

Again, I suggest yoga. This will train you to see look at see yourself on the inside instead of the outside. It will calm your mind and *re*mind you what is important. Additionally, it will give you better posture. It will strengthen your entire body. It will show you how to breathe. It will give you power. It will have subtle benefits that you may not even observe until weeks of practice. Its amazing.

Start taking care of yourself. I don't just mean exercise and eating right, I mean this crappy self-talk that you obviously indulge in. Being mean to yourself is NOT going to give you any self-esteem and if YOU don't like you, how do you expect anyone else to?

Its ANNOYING to be around someone who doesn't like and/or respect themselves.

So, try to find something you like about yourself (either physically or not) and make it stand out...make it grand. If you are proud of your freethrow skills, the practice and become GREAT at it. If you like your eyes, then learn how to make them pop with subtle highlights. If you are a good runner, see if you can break your personal best time in the mile. If you like your smile, be sure to smile A LOT.

Finally, do NOT for ONE SECOND believe that any of the airbrushed, primped, posed, made-up, anorexic, and well-lit ladies in the glossy magazines are anywhere NEAR real. They are all CREATED to make girls like you feel bad about themselves so girls like you will go out and spend a bunch of money on clothes, make-up, skin creams, and thigh-masters. Don't even LOOK at that crap.

As for boyfriends. Don't even worry about that. They are usually more trouble then they're worth. It will happen. For now, think of yourself as *selective*. Don't fall for the first schmo to give you attention. YOU DECIDE who you will BLESS with your presence. That is all. Carry on.