Tuesday, July 25, 2006
Ear Piercing 2 Year Old
Pat, 69 from Ohio asks...
We have recently adoped our 13 & 14th children. That is after having 10 bio kids. We fostered 33 years. # 14 is 2 1/2 & has a terrible temper & has recently started screaming at the top of her lungs. I try to ingnore it but it is ear piercing & she doesn't stop. She does not stop when told no when doing something she shouldn't. She is beautiful & the joy of our life. After raising all these kids I feel I am failing w/ her. My children were given spankings and the are all very successful and have never had to get counseling. They either own their own business or are in supervisory positions. I want the same for Arianna but feel I am not doing a good job getting her there. I have swatted her on the but w/ my hand & it breaks her heart that momma would do that. I know it won't ruin her life but don't feel I am getting anyway w/ her. Can you give this mom of 24 any advice dealing w/ this 2 year old.
Stacy Says...
WOW...14!!!! I have no idea how you do it...but obviously you're doing something right.
At 2 1/2 and being in foster care, I must ask what happened? Was there an abusive situation? If so, she might already feel the effects of it. And just because spanking worked for your other children--each child is unique. Arianna might just be more sensitive. I remember there came a point when I was little when all my dad had to say was he was disappointed in me and my heart broke--no spanking needed. I felt soooo bad.
Try talking with her (as much as you can with a 2 year old). Send her in a time-out place. Take away a toy. But whatever you do, tell her you love her. Repeatedly tell her she cannot act like that and repeatedly tell her you love her. She might just be a whole lot more stubborn than your others. Don't feel like you're failing her--she's just dealing with alot right now. Have patience. This too shall pass...
We have recently adoped our 13 & 14th children. That is after having 10 bio kids. We fostered 33 years. # 14 is 2 1/2 & has a terrible temper & has recently started screaming at the top of her lungs. I try to ingnore it but it is ear piercing & she doesn't stop. She does not stop when told no when doing something she shouldn't. She is beautiful & the joy of our life. After raising all these kids I feel I am failing w/ her. My children were given spankings and the are all very successful and have never had to get counseling. They either own their own business or are in supervisory positions. I want the same for Arianna but feel I am not doing a good job getting her there. I have swatted her on the but w/ my hand & it breaks her heart that momma would do that. I know it won't ruin her life but don't feel I am getting anyway w/ her. Can you give this mom of 24 any advice dealing w/ this 2 year old.
Stacy Says...
WOW...14!!!! I have no idea how you do it...but obviously you're doing something right.
At 2 1/2 and being in foster care, I must ask what happened? Was there an abusive situation? If so, she might already feel the effects of it. And just because spanking worked for your other children--each child is unique. Arianna might just be more sensitive. I remember there came a point when I was little when all my dad had to say was he was disappointed in me and my heart broke--no spanking needed. I felt soooo bad.
Try talking with her (as much as you can with a 2 year old). Send her in a time-out place. Take away a toy. But whatever you do, tell her you love her. Repeatedly tell her she cannot act like that and repeatedly tell her you love her. She might just be a whole lot more stubborn than your others. Don't feel like you're failing her--she's just dealing with alot right now. Have patience. This too shall pass...
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Spanking is a bad idea.
Just because spanked kids are successful in life does not mean they haven't become cold or abusive in their relationships in ways that you'd never know. And even if that's not the case with everyone, it's like saying that smoking is OK because my grangfather smoked all his life and didn't die of cancer.
Abusive behavior is more often than not learned behavior.
Just because spanked kids are successful in life does not mean they haven't become cold or abusive in their relationships in ways that you'd never know. And even if that's not the case with everyone, it's like saying that smoking is OK because my grangfather smoked all his life and didn't die of cancer.
Abusive behavior is more often than not learned behavior.
Spanking is not abuse, it's discipline. When done properly, a very effective form of discipline. Granted, there are parents who should NOT spank because they don't understand how to do it properly. But I think it is still effective. I was spanked and am not cold or abusive in any way. I didn't learn abuse from my parents, I learned respect and obedience.
But Vic, you can't reason with a 2 year old. If she is being a little snot, she needs to know that is not acceptable. I swift swat will communicate that beautifully.
I'm a spanked kid too with no ill effects that I know of (yay 70's!!). However, still pondering if I'll be a spanking parent...that is all. :)
I'm a spanked kid too with no ill effects that I know of (yay 70's!!). However, still pondering if I'll be a spanking parent...that is all. :)
You need to try different methods. Spanking didn't phase me after awhile.
Oh, and she didn't say this 2 year old is fostered, she's adopted.
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Oh, and she didn't say this 2 year old is fostered, she's adopted.
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