Andrew, 20
New York
Asks:

I've been dating this girl for over 2 years, and our relationship is going great, except this one seemingly major issue (to her) that has been coming up now and then; and now it kinda blew up, lol.

Basically she pretty much thinks I don't appreciate the "sweet" things she would do for me. I personally think they're very corny. For example: she keeps all the movie stubs we go to. For no special reason/occasion, she decided to make a list of all the movies we've been to in the two years and describe sweet/cute things that happened between us that day. And she was about to give me this list, but ended up telling me what she was going to do, saying "you're probably gonna think its stupid." Well...I'm glad she told me and didn't waste her effort. I don't mean to be mean. I appreciate REAL sweet things (i.e. she came to my workplace during lunch, on my birthday, and got me my favourite cake from my favourite store - a pleasant, sweet, caring surprise)...but I feel anutions when she expects me to appreciate these cutesy-cheesy little "creations" that she calls sweet. I think they're gay, and corny, and cheesy, and quite stupid.

She probably doesn't think I'm sweet because I don't do them myself (does she want me to make a huge poster one day and say "I LOVE YOU *insert name*" and walk around with it, or make a some sort of corny list? Am I mean - am I wrong? Is it wrong to appreciate real sweetness and despise fake/corny/"trying too hard" "sweetness"? Again - I'm not trying to be mean - I need to know if I'm alone in this.

Lee's Thoughts:

This is an EXCELLENT question. You are completely right and completely NOT MEAN. You ARE sweet to appreciate the *real* things you described (coming to your work, bringing your favorite cake...etc). Those things are things you can appreciate, things that show that she is thinking about YOU and what YOU would like.

The movie ticket thing is pure girl. You weren't impressed with it because...(drumroll please)...You are a GUY.

I can completely understand her saving all the movie tickets. I can also understand (since I'm anal and love organization) compiling a list and making notes about what happened on those dates. It's totally cool. However, she needs to know that this is a swoony, girly, obsessively-rehashing-the-sweet-moments-in-our-relationship thing and GUYS do not get off on this stuff. It would be the same as her bringing you a dozen roses and wondering why you aren't all giggly about it. It would be the same as her taking you to a chic flic. There's nothing wrong with chic movies, but GUYS just aren't going to like them or appreciate them the same way girls do.

You need to explain to her the difference. You did like the surprise visit to your work, but you would not like two dozen daisies sent to your office. You did like the picnic on the beach with her, but you do not want sand and shells saved in a frame with the date engraved on it. You did like looking through family pictures, but you would not like a photoshopped scrapbook of what your kids MAY look like.

Essentially, rent "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days". This may be considered a chic flic, but it will also get across to her that some things girls get all bubbly about, guys couldn't give a crap about.

If she wants to do something nice for you, she needs to think about what you would like, not what she would like. Tell her that you appreciate all of the work she put into these crazy creations, but you probably won't be looking at them every night and crying whilst you sip cosmos, paint your toenails, and write poems about her beauty. You're just not that kinda guy.