Wednesday, July 26, 2006
...But She Has a Boyfriend.
Jon, 17
California
Asks:
I have become friends with a girl that I really like. We talk all the time. I want to ask her out but she has a boyfriend. What should I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
Be her friend, but be respectful of their relationship. You do NOT want to be the ass that hits on another guy's girlfriend. What would you think about a guy who did that to you?
However, you can definitely maintain a friendship and make sure she knows how much you like her and enjoy her company. I know that sounds contradictory, but its a fine line. You must be subtle so she gets to understand what a great guy/friend you are, but so her boyfriend won't see you as a threat. If you run into her with the boyfriend, be sure to say hello to them both. Treat the guy like he's a good buddy of yours. She'll appreciate that.
If you have time alone with her and want to ask her out, ask her to a group situation. "We're all going to the movies/bowling/art show this weekend, wanna come?" That way, you pose no obvious threat to her relationship.
A more slick way of going out with her is to figure out what her plans are for the weekend and then mention that you were planning on doing the same THING! (or even just accidentally show up). It works a little better if its some sort of crowded venue like a football game, church carnival or the like.
Basically, you need to put your time in. You have to stick around and wait this relationship out if she is worth it. For now, just focus on being her pal. Get to know her and let her get to know you. By the time this boyfriend is history, you'll be waiting in the wings with a bit of "friend" history to support a blossoming new relationship with her.
And don't worry about her thinking of you as ONLY a friend. That doesn't exist. Women (emotionally healthy women) are drawn towards someone they feel safe and comfortable with. If the time is right, being her friend will only help her attraction for you, not hinder it.
Good Luck!
California
Asks:
I have become friends with a girl that I really like. We talk all the time. I want to ask her out but she has a boyfriend. What should I do?
Lee's Thoughts:
Be her friend, but be respectful of their relationship. You do NOT want to be the ass that hits on another guy's girlfriend. What would you think about a guy who did that to you?
However, you can definitely maintain a friendship and make sure she knows how much you like her and enjoy her company. I know that sounds contradictory, but its a fine line. You must be subtle so she gets to understand what a great guy/friend you are, but so her boyfriend won't see you as a threat. If you run into her with the boyfriend, be sure to say hello to them both. Treat the guy like he's a good buddy of yours. She'll appreciate that.
If you have time alone with her and want to ask her out, ask her to a group situation. "We're all going to the movies/bowling/art show this weekend, wanna come?" That way, you pose no obvious threat to her relationship.
A more slick way of going out with her is to figure out what her plans are for the weekend and then mention that you were planning on doing the same THING! (or even just accidentally show up). It works a little better if its some sort of crowded venue like a football game, church carnival or the like.
Basically, you need to put your time in. You have to stick around and wait this relationship out if she is worth it. For now, just focus on being her pal. Get to know her and let her get to know you. By the time this boyfriend is history, you'll be waiting in the wings with a bit of "friend" history to support a blossoming new relationship with her.
And don't worry about her thinking of you as ONLY a friend. That doesn't exist. Women (emotionally healthy women) are drawn towards someone they feel safe and comfortable with. If the time is right, being her friend will only help her attraction for you, not hinder it.
Good Luck!
Comments:
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" I want to ask her out but she has a boyfriend ."
Well that's the thing about people who are NOT available...they're simply not for YOU to date. K?
With that said, I wouldn't advise that you make any "slick" moves because it's sneaky, self-centered and deceitful. Aslo don't bother pretending to be her friend or her boyfriend's friend. Do that and you and you'll find yourself on the "top 10 list" of the most SLIMEY people to date". Where's your pride man!
Keep your distance while maintaining a relationship at an "AQUAINTENCE" level. IF later down the road she becomes available THEN you can ask her out THEN you can plan times to be together... with the CONFIDENCE of knowing you didn't resort to behaving like a manipulative creep in order to be with her.
Well that's the thing about people who are NOT available...they're simply not for YOU to date. K?
With that said, I wouldn't advise that you make any "slick" moves because it's sneaky, self-centered and deceitful. Aslo don't bother pretending to be her friend or her boyfriend's friend. Do that and you and you'll find yourself on the "top 10 list" of the most SLIMEY people to date". Where's your pride man!
Keep your distance while maintaining a relationship at an "AQUAINTENCE" level. IF later down the road she becomes available THEN you can ask her out THEN you can plan times to be together... with the CONFIDENCE of knowing you didn't resort to behaving like a manipulative creep in order to be with her.
If she has a boyfriend why would she be interested in you?
If she wanted to find a partner she wouldn't already have one.
Just because you want her, that doesn't mean she will run to you.
Stop being a selfish twat.
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If she wanted to find a partner she wouldn't already have one.
Just because you want her, that doesn't mean she will run to you.
Stop being a selfish twat.
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