Maggie, 22, from ontario asks:

Why does my boyfriend need to look at porn? I noticed the advice you gave to another girl about the male attachment to porn being comparable to the female attachment to shoes and whatnot. This comparison is ill conceived. We're talking about liking the shoes on your feet to where you a guy would like to stick his dick. Why should my boyfriend be seeking to look at other women's body parts? I feel that if I had porn laying around displaying the type of male body and penis I might prefer would make my boyfriend feel as stupid, unattractive, inadequate and SICK and his porn collection makes me feel. He says that if it didn't make me angry, he would have porn hanging all over the house. I had to demand that the tittie poster be taken down from the ceiling over his bed! Does he need to look at a girl with giant boobs while I have sex with him? I am bisexual and could be seeking out male AND female porn but I DON'T. If I need sexual stimulation I think of my boyfriend, because he is the one I have sex with. This is getting to the point that it's making me feel like an idiot when we sleep together, wondering if he's imagining some slut he saw in a magazine. Why am I not good enough? Our sex life has been good and adventurous as far as I'm concerned... it's certainly been better for him than it has for me, so why the porn?

VictorM's advice:

My analogy with shoe-buying only referred to the level of emotional attachment. In no way was it meant to condone the behavior.

By your description, your boyfriend's interest in porn strikes me as way over the top and very problematic. Any kind of addiction comes with its problems, and porn is no exception. This guy's open attachment to porn is hugely unhealthy.

Stop thinking of this as purely a sex issue and who he's thinking about when having sex with you. His behavior signals serious moral corruption and a deprivation of values that really should be the focus of your concern. I'm not talking about judging your sexual preferences or sexual attitudes; I'm talking about core values that define a person and how he/she relates to others. Your boyfriend is sorely lacking them (that's why he's so much into porn) and you need to recognize it for the major problem that it is relationship wise rather than just sexually.

Your concern sounds hallow to me. Your issues with his behavior seem selfish and relate only to what it does to you and how you feel about it. Nowhere did you mention any concern for any damage that porn may be causing to him, either morally or emotionally.

Examine your own sense of values first. Maybe you're still with him because your own standards are low too.


Tags: advice, dating, relationship, question, answer, boyfriend, girlfriend