Tuesday, May 16, 2006
Weird and Withdrawn
Larry, 28
Los Angeles
Asks:
Okay, so I've been seeing this girl for a while now. It's been casual and cool as we are both very busy. I find myself falling more and more for her and while I know she doesn't want anything more than what we have right now, I can't help these feelings. My problem is that I think she may be on to me and that in turn is making her feel a little weird or withdrawn. She's definitely still into me, but I'm worried I've shown too many of my cards.
My question to you is...what is the best way I can go about balancing the status quo? Quite possibly it is all because she has been so busy lately...but I got this nagging feeling she is withdrawing because she feels that I am really falling for her and thats not what she wants right now. I tried having a conversation about it, but she assured me everything was cool. I'm a patient guy. I'm fine with waiting and keeping it cool for now. I just want to rebalance the situation. I'm thinking I should lie low for awhile, say hi here and there spontaneously, and you know, definitely take her out when the timing permits, but overall just be more chill. What do you think? Right or wrong? thanks!!
Lee's Thoughts:
I'm going to assume that "a while now" means about four or five months. That to me is adequate enough time to spend together and get to know each other. After this time, you probably know if you want to put some energy in this relationship, or let it fizzle. Honestly, it sounds like you both are on opposite sides of the situation.
If you like the person you are dating...If you are interested and feel that there might be a future with them...then you wouldn't pull away when they express THEIR emotion. Does that make sense? Essentially, if she really liked you, she'd be happy to make time for you. She would look forward to it, she would be giving back. Everyone is busy. Everyone has responsibilities, but people MAKE time for the ones they love. It's not a chore, it's a blessing.
You keep making excuses for her by saying "It's not what she wants right now." "She doesn't want anything more than what we have right now." Could it possibly be... "It's not what she wants." and "She doesn't want what we have." ??
Maybe she has personal issues to work out on her own. Maybe she has some maturing to do before she can fully commit to you. But you shouldn't have to wait around with your heart in your hand until she decides to bless you with her emotional presence. It can't hurt to try to cool things off a little, give her some space, but be prepared that this may be all there is.
You've done your best. You've told her how you feel. Now its her turn to take it or leave it.
Los Angeles
Asks:
Okay, so I've been seeing this girl for a while now. It's been casual and cool as we are both very busy. I find myself falling more and more for her and while I know she doesn't want anything more than what we have right now, I can't help these feelings. My problem is that I think she may be on to me and that in turn is making her feel a little weird or withdrawn. She's definitely still into me, but I'm worried I've shown too many of my cards.
My question to you is...what is the best way I can go about balancing the status quo? Quite possibly it is all because she has been so busy lately...but I got this nagging feeling she is withdrawing because she feels that I am really falling for her and thats not what she wants right now. I tried having a conversation about it, but she assured me everything was cool. I'm a patient guy. I'm fine with waiting and keeping it cool for now. I just want to rebalance the situation. I'm thinking I should lie low for awhile, say hi here and there spontaneously, and you know, definitely take her out when the timing permits, but overall just be more chill. What do you think? Right or wrong? thanks!!
Lee's Thoughts:
I'm going to assume that "a while now" means about four or five months. That to me is adequate enough time to spend together and get to know each other. After this time, you probably know if you want to put some energy in this relationship, or let it fizzle. Honestly, it sounds like you both are on opposite sides of the situation.
If you like the person you are dating...If you are interested and feel that there might be a future with them...then you wouldn't pull away when they express THEIR emotion. Does that make sense? Essentially, if she really liked you, she'd be happy to make time for you. She would look forward to it, she would be giving back. Everyone is busy. Everyone has responsibilities, but people MAKE time for the ones they love. It's not a chore, it's a blessing.
You keep making excuses for her by saying "It's not what she wants right now." "She doesn't want anything more than what we have right now." Could it possibly be... "It's not what she wants." and "She doesn't want what we have." ??
Maybe she has personal issues to work out on her own. Maybe she has some maturing to do before she can fully commit to you. But you shouldn't have to wait around with your heart in your hand until she decides to bless you with her emotional presence. It can't hurt to try to cool things off a little, give her some space, but be prepared that this may be all there is.
You've done your best. You've told her how you feel. Now its her turn to take it or leave it.
